Urban Mamas

When our 11.5-year old daughter was picking out a new book at the store a few months ago, she snatched up The Hunger Games.  More often, I feel like I want to tell them what to read.  Less often, I feel like I want to tell them what NOT to read.

I knew nothing of the book, aside from the fact that 3 of my daughters closer friends had already read it and loved it.  "She looooooved this book", my daughter oozed.  Well, ok.  Fine by me.  I know her friends and their families and, though you can't judge a book by its cover, I felt affirmed that the book was fine/acceptable just based on that.  I skimmed the back cover and thought it was curious my daughter was drawn to a fantasy-like, darker book.  I actually was glad to have her branching out of her typical genre of Lauren Myracle's The Winnie Series.

When we got home, she devoured the book in a day.  She did the same the next day.  She begged for the second and third books in the series (buy, not borrow, since there were about 154 holds on each at the library).  We bought them.  She reads them over and over and over again, and then she reads them again.

When we talked about the content, I was surprised I didn't make myself know more: teens forced to kill themselves.  Wow, really?  OK.  Starting to question myself, I started to read the book, but I haven't gotten past page 20.  So, I went to Common Sense Media and read their book review on The Hunger Games. 

A few weeks ago, The Hunger Games Movie came out.  It is rated PG13, and our daughter is 11.  Well, she's 11 and a half.  Her friends went to see it with their parents on opening night.  Some friends have seen it again since.  Knowing the content of the book, knowing the movie rating, and knowing that seeing things is different than reading things, our daughter has agreed with our decision that she won't be seeing it until she's 13 (she's looking forward to her birthday)!

I have had mama friends who have read the book(s) (in one night, even), and I am curious to hear everyone's thoughts: have you read it? seen it?  has your son/daughter read it? seen it?

Today, following my own advice, I sat in on the Wordstock 2011 panel discussion titled, "Move Over, Holden Caulfield," a conversation about coming-of-age stories with Anna Solomon, Blake Nelson, and Jen Violi. Each of these authors read a bit from their novels, all featuring central characters that were girls, 16 or so. Was the new coming-of-age heroine not man, but woman?

While this wasn't explored much, my favorite question was this: what coming-of-age novels made the biggest impact on the writers of the panel? Solomon, whose book is classified as literary fiction -- and which I, stunned by the passage she wrote, bought -- said her first memory of a coming-of-age book that moved her was Judy Blume's classic Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret. Her second choice was a memorable one for me, as well: A Ring of Endless Light by Madeleine L'Engle.

Jen Violi, whose book sounds funny and macabre but also wise, also chose a L'Engle book, the classic, A Wrinkle in Time. Her other choice was (she said) a testament to her dark side: Jane Eyre.

(Nelson said all he read as a kid was Peanuts; some quality stuff in the comic strip, but not quite meeting the description.)

I thought for a while about my own answer to this question. Surely those L'Engle books are on my list, as well as another one that made an even bigger impact on me, A Swiftly Tilting Planet. (I read it a few years ago to Everett, and it's eerily modern.) So, too, the good vs. evil series like Susan Cooper's The Dark Is Rising books and The Chronicles of Narnia (both The Magician's Nephew and The Voyage of the Dawn Treader were particularly interesting to me, for some reason; I think it's that the character whose trajectory is most central in both of these, Diggory and Eustace, have something of a transformation from insufferable to brave). The Little Women books were also beloved, as were the Little House on the Prairie novels; I suppose each of these had its coming of age book. I read so voraciously as a child that it's hard to pick anything as key in my development; in high school, of course, I read all the legendary ones including Holden Caulfield's vessel (A Catcher in the Rye), A Separate Peace, Huckleberry Finn, To Kill a Mockingbird, even Black Boy; the one, though, that I remember most keenly from high school was Maxine Hong Kingston's The Woman Warrior. But each of these classic ones stays with me, even though I haven't even touched the cover of many of them in decades.

When you were a child on the cusp of your own coming of age, which books did you read -- and which had the biggest impact on you? Which coming of age stories will you urge your own children to read, when they're ready? If you have children who are old enough to dive into such books, which have they read?

On Wednesday's Think Out Loud, Wordstock Executive Director Greg Netzer commented on just how many writers targeted toward the young reader would be at the annual festival of books this Saturday and Sunday: not only will there be a stage dedicated to children's writers, as well as a children's activity area sponsored by Knowledge Universe, but also some middle reader and young adult authors will present on other stages as well -- so that, at some points in the festival, you might have two or three different simultaneous kid-focused authors speaking at once. Oh, the bedevilment!

The thing is: Wordstock, for writers and book lovers and pretty much any parent who likes to adventure with the kids on a weekend, is one of the best deals anywhere. The ticket prices are super cheap ($10 for an adult for both days, or $7 for one), and kids under 13 are free. There are giveaways galore; Kindercare is giving away 1,000 free books at Wordstock. Last year we came home with a stack of great titles. And I get all shivery with the chance to rub elbows with authors I love; hopefully, some of that can rub off on the kids.

After two hours with the Wordstock guide and lots more time delving into new favorite books, I've come up with some recommendations for book-loving kids and parents -- and see the end of the post for a grid describing the kids' stage authors.

Saturday, 5 p.m., McMeniman's Stage. Colin Meloy & Carson Ellis. Wildwood. If I had to give one recommendation for kids this year, it would be this amazing, artful, magical book. Colin Meloy is famous as the Decemberists' lead singer and songwriter, but here he becomes famous for something entirely other. Follow 12-year-old Prue through an alternate reality Portland through the Industrial Wastes into the Impassable Wilderness -- Forest Park re-imagined. It's magical and practical and funny and filled with the kind of prose lyricism and nods to the cerebral you'd expect from Meloy. And best of all, even my nine-year-old loves it.

Sunday, 2 p.m., Knowledge Universe Stage. Doreen Cronin, Mom Operating Manual. Also: Marla Frazee and Kathryn Thurman. Remember Click, Clack, Moo, Cows that Type? Just about every mom who's read aloud to her kids has fallen in love with this ridiculous and hilarious barnyard tale. Cronin has a knack for the sort of books that entertain children and keep adults from eye-rolling with a nod toward more mature humor. I'm looking forward to seeing her new title, a "troubleshooting guide [which] provides step-by-step instructions for addressing moms who don't get enough of the daily basics, 'Sleep, Nutrition, Exercise, and Water, or SNEW for short.'"

Saturday, 2 p.m., Knowledge Universe Stage. Maile Meloy, The Apothecary. Also, Adam Jay Epstein, The Familiars, and Andrew Jacobson. Maile Meloy led just about every best-book list in 2009 with Both Ways is the Only Way I Want It, an adult collection of short stories that's probably not at all appropriate for young kids. But her new book is getting all kinds of attention, and is on my to-read list. "It's 1952 and the Scott family has just moved from Los Angeles to London. Here, fourteen-year-old Janie meets a mysterious apothecary and his son, Benjamin Burrows - a fascinating boy who's not afraid to stand up to authority and dreams of becoming a spy. When Benjamin's father is kidnapped, Janie and Benjamin must uncover the secrets of the apothecary's sacred book, the Pharmacopoeia, in order to find him, all while keeping it out of the hands of their enemies - Russian spies in possession of nuclear weapons."

We received a copy of the book "Go the f**k to sleep" and I nonintentionally left it on the dining room table.  Of course my 7-year old picked it up and eagerly offered to read it to her toddler brother.  "Let's read this book!" in her big girl excited voice.  She read "Go the ffff....", then: "Mom, what does this say?"  Quickly, I grab the book and say, "Wait!  That's not for kids."  I put it out of reach.

Have you seen the book, read it?  Will you read it to the kids, bleep out the f-bomb, or maybe read it to them, explicit word and all?  (Related: "I say '$h*t', you say 'sugar'.")

My friend Michelle Stern was still pitching The Whole Family Cookbook when I met her face-to-face a year ago during the IACP conference in Portland. Once she closed the deal and started creating recipes, I did a little testing and, as you'd expect, lots of photograph-making in the process. Because her book is focused on cooking together with children, I wanted to get Everett and Truman and Monroe involved; and I was immediately surprised to see how much benefit we get from having them join in the cooking fun. [Note: Enter a giveaway for the book by commenting; details at the end of the post.]

Even months before we got the book, then, we were discovering how much healthier kids might eat if they just take a hand -- not just in cooking the food -- but in planning that cooking. I'd ask Everett which of a couple possible recipes to try, and we'd discuss whether a recipe had ingredients he'd like together. I was a little thrilled when he said one of the recipes we tried was too sweet for him -- and we made another variation on it that had honey and a small amount of sugar and that we all loved, adding a great sherbet recipe to our family repertoire. (The recipe that made it into the book is a delightfully tart buttermilk lemon sherbet, a winner indeed.)

Handing kids a cookbook with lots of pretty photos of healthy food and asking them, "find something for dinner tomorrow" is the best way I can think of to get them involved in this hardest parental job (filling their stomachs with good "growing food") and to make sure the hard work you put in to choosing sources and shopping and lugging the stuff home and cooking it all on demand pays off. Until, that is, they're old enough to do all the shopping and preparing on their own (I was particularly freed by the image of Rebecca's teens from last week's post making turkey sandwiches and sweet potatoes). I did that one night, and the next night, we had taco salad straight from Michelle's book (my recipe adds red cabbage to the onions for a little extra nutritional zing).

The sun may be shining, but we are definitely approaching the heart of wintertime.  As the seasons change, so may our books to resonate with the world around us.  An urbanMama recently emailed to see if you could recommend a few seasonal reads:

Hi mamas, I am hoping you will post something to get us talking about our favorite winter books. I am trying to build our collection and am looking for ideas. On my list to buy this year are The Tomten by Astrid Lindgren and Snow by Uri Shulevitz. Favorites from my childhood are The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keatz and Father Christmas goes on Holiday by Raymond Briggs.

Image from cafemama's favorite winter book, The Lemon Sisters by Andrea Cheng and illustrated by Tatjana Mai-Wyss.

A few years ago, when I was first understanding my son, Everett, and his behavioral difficulties, I read Ross W. Greene's The Explosive Child. Now that he's at the Pioneer School, a special school geared toward children who have major trouble adapting in the general education environment, and many of the members of the schools' staff have been through Greene's workshops. His approach for dealing with challenging kids, called "collaborative problem solving," is now taught in workshops and MESD-sponsored book groups around the city.

I was surprised, then, when I told several of Everett's teachers that I had just ordered Greene's newest book, Lost in School, a follow-up to his previous books that lays out a framework for how parents and schools can work together to help challenging kids succeed. They hadn't yet heard of it. (What, do you people not have GoodReads?) I've read a few chapters of Lost in School, now, and I already recommend both books to anyone who has a child with behavioral challenges, whether they're like Everett's or more strictly diagnosed (the autism spectrum and ADHD are also maladaptive disorders and can be approached with Greene's philosophies). When adding the new book to my GoodReads shelf, I decided to review the The Explosive Child; I've copied the review after the jump.

We have an on-going book swap in our extended family. The most recent addition to end up on my nightstand is Three Cups of Tea.

This engaging book recounts the journey of Greg Mortenson from a failed attempt to climb K2 to launching a mission to build schools in Afghanistan and Pakistan. Needless to say, it is a pretty inspiring read and it has left a lasting impression.

Have you read something recently that has moved you?

What inspiring books do you recommend?

It's no secret that I don't cook.  But as an activity with the kids - that's another story!  And I'm seriously attracted to books.  So naturally all the recent talk about cookbooks for kids (here and here) is right up my alley.  But is it worth it?  Needed?  Or just a gimick to sell us yet another thing we parents could do just fine (or better!) without?  Like $20 dinosaur-shaped muffin tins.

I hate to admit it but I'm tempted by titles like 'Kitchen Playdates' and 'Kids Cook 1-2-3: Recipes for young Chefs Using Only 3 Ingredients' (shoot, I wish all recipes had just 3 ingredients, I'd cook more).  But...I'm thinking we should just stick to regular old recipes in the multitudinous regular old grown-up cookbooks in our house.  I mean, how hard can banana bread really be?  Plus, there's the internet, and surely there's a parent blog out there loaded with this stuff - for free! 

If I do walk down this path, I'm thinking a good starting point might be Mollie Katzen's "Pretend Soup," if only to complement the 42 other Moosewood cookbooks in our house.  Have you tried any of these little kids cookbooks?  Any not to be missed?

As expected, we had a very (very) small get-together at our first book group meeting last Thursday. At our next two meetings, this Sunday, December 30, and Sunday, January 13, we'll continue to discuss Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. Between conversation here on the blog and our meetings, we'll decide upon a book for the next month.

Meeting places and times:

• Dec. 30, 1 p.m., Pix Patisserie Division (3402 SE Division)
• Jan. 13, 1 p.m., Tea Chai Te NE (2223 NE Alberta)
• Jan. 17, 7 p.m., TBD

Several of us got together a few weeks ago and agreed that a book group was a great idea! Naturally, life took its holiday twists and turns and I've missed the organization I promised. So here it is: we are starting a book group. We'll meet every other Sunday afternoon around 12:30 p.m. and one weekday a month at around 7 (attendance at all meetings definitely not required for participation!). Our first book will be Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver; as I understand, the copies available at the library are in high demand, so you may have to order from Amazon.com or share.

I'm not sure where to meet, partly as I don't know how many will attend; please let me know if you're coming, and leave ideas in the comments about where to meet. Our first evening meeting will be this Thursday night, December 20th; our first Sunday meeting, Dec. 30. Thursday at 7 we'll meet at the Press Club, 2621 SE Clinton. We'll discuss whether we'll read one book each month, or one every two months, when we're face-to-face.

(The support mama meetings will continue starting Dec. 23 on alternate Sundays; I'll update the urbanMamas calendar to reflect that.)

From time to time, I harbor fantasies of having a regular Sunday literary review on urbanMamas, in which we get together virtually and talk about an important book. Sure, I've read a lot of the books I want to include in that review, but I haven't yet found time to give this project its due.

However, I finally got a chance to give Gwendolyn Gross' The Other Mother a nice, thorough review. I recommend this book, with the caveat that (as Mara at Oleoptene pointed out) the main characters, two mothers locked in the "Mommy Wars," aren't that likeable; that it's located in New Jersey, where everyone has more money than they need; and that there is a lot of judgment going on. Still, it's very well-written with lots of moments that would be great for a book group to discuss -- and I'd love to hear others' thoughts about it here.

My boys' current favorite books in the whole world are Stan & Jan Berenstain's Berenstain Bears series. And, certainly, I'm always finding pearls of wisdom in them -- like the time we learned about too many extracurriculars with Under Pressure. We read Too Much Junk Food, like, every night. Everett can finish all my sentences.

But these books? They aren't my favorite to read. I find much of the text pedantic, repetitive (not in a good way), the very opposite of melodic. And Papa Bear with his childishness and pratfalls always bugs me; Mama Bear's eternal calm perfection and dowdy dress makes me crazy.

I'd much rather read something that makes me feel like singing (or crying), such as Spaghetti Park (the tale of a little boy who works with his grandpa and the community to put a bocce court in a neglected neighborhood park); The Lemon Sisters (in which little girls and older women come together because of lemon, sugar, and snow); Mystery Bottle (in which a little boy dreams of his grandpa, who he's never met, in Iran); The Unexpectedly Bad Hair of Barcelona Smith (in which a little boys lets down his hair, literally and figuratively, both silly and smart); Open Me... I'm a Dog! (a witch's curse turns a dog into a German shepherd, a bullfrog, and finally, a book) or the sadly out-of-print Penelope and the Pirates (in which a cat goes on an adventure with a sea captain, and learns about friendship).

Which books do you try to put at the top of the stack when it's time to read?

Punk Rock Dad By Jim Lindberg.  The title just seethes coolness, but is it over-hyped?  Thanks to Kathy Tucker for reviewing the book recently for us:

The premise of this book is rather thin, but it does have some really funny parts.

I personally don’t think that a punk rocker being a dad is so unusual that it is worth a book on that basis. Lindberg, who is the lead singer of Pennywise, relies rather heavily on the idea that he is really on the outside of traditional fatherhood – which I suppose might be true if you live in the mid-West or something, but not here in Portland! Okay, maybe having a co-worker (band-mate) who likes to throw up on the fans is out of the norm, but otherwise he is really not that unusual.

Lindberg does describe some really hilarious scenes that any parent can relate to, including the diaper-blow-out from hell, and being told by his wife that he has put the onesie on upside down. Another endearing aspect of the book is that Lindberg is able to turn his humor on himself, too, often referring to himself as an aging rocker who dies his hair and would prefer to get home quickly rather than hang out in the bars after a show.

Remember when you could sit down an enjoy a good book?  Funny how life changes after kids. Cindy is in search of a good parenting book for Papas.  Have you any recommendations?

With Father’s Day coming fast, I am wondering if any of the Urban Mamas and Urban Papas can recommend Parenting Books geared toward the busy Papa.  I am also open to blogs, magazines, etc that address this issue.

Specifically in our house, I find that the dynamic between my two boys (nearly six, and three) and my husband tends to be a bit tense more often than any of us likes.  I think this happens for a few reasons but one reason is that my three year old has a very strong personality and seems to have a knack for pushing buttons and limits.

I have read more parenting books than I am comfortable admitting to but haven’t successfully passed on tidbits to my husband that he can apply.  I am looking for something along the lines of “Discipline for Dummies” to help the dynamic in my house and my husbands comfort but also a quick enough read that my tired husband with short windows of time can read and benefit from.

Ahhh, email.  So easy-to-use!  So easy-to-talk-through!  Ever crafted an email and hit "SEND" when you meant to hit "SAVE"?  Ever blurted out all your inner-most thoughts in an email thinking you could save it for later but then - !poof! - cyberspace whisks it away to send to the [un]intended recipient? Ever type something you didn't really mean? Ever been unnecessarily mean, sacrcastic, catty? Ever live to laugh about it later?

The authors of the new book SEND is looking for your "tales of misdirected emails and other errors of email etiquette".  Share your stories!

As a li'l somethin'-somethin' for your quips: urbanMamas would like to offer a couple of free tickets to the Just Between Friends pre-sale on Friday, April 27th, to some of the wackiest, craziest stories of email errors.

P.S. The authors, David Shipley and Will Schwalbe, will appear at Powell's this Sunday, April 22nd, at 7:30PM.

Thank you, Sharon for sharing this review with us:

The Dangerous Book for Boys - by Conn & Hal Iggulden

The Dangerous Book for Boys is a bit of a cliff note type book for a child to become a cross between James Bond and Huck Finn. It starts with a list of 11 things one must always keep in ones pockets (needle and thread, book of matches, compass) and ends with 8 badges to earn while conquering the tasks in the book. A reference type book on all things the authors think young men/boys need to know. For example : ways to make the best paper airplanes, the seven wonders of the ancient world, how to build a tree house.

Overall - I think it is a fun book. I could certainly see giving this as a birthday gift. My husband and son (who is six) have both enjoyed the challenge of figuring out some of the building projects. They both thought it was pretty cool. Lots of great activities for parents and kids (girls or boys) to do together. Certainly a tad bit over the top, in the sense of what children are ever going to need the needle and thread to "sew up a wound on an unconsious dog...", but I completely understand the premis of the digital age taking over and our kids need to learn how to "do" more. All in all my engineer husband has repeatedly made sure that he can keep the book. So, if you are interested in knowing not only the best coin tricks, but also how to map the sky - great book for you!

Anne recently reviewed this book:  Any other suggestions for books about raising healthy kids?

Good Kids Bad Habits by Jennifer Trachtenberg, M.D. is filled with useful information, but it’s a book that works more as a reference than something you read cover-to-cover. The premise of it is that each component of your child’s life modifies their “real age,” and the author emphasizes throughout the evidence that shows the correlation between health choices in children and adolescence and the decisions they make as adults. “Real Age” is based on data about longevity, but comes across as a somewhat gimmicky feature of the book that ties it to the RealAge.com website.

Shorter chapters follow on exercise, hygiene, academics, self-esteem, and safety. While I found the tone kind of annoying (with lots of sentences like “That’s not good. No child should be a fitness failure.”), the content is solid and puts into perspective the relative impact of different health choices you can make with your family. She can take on issues such as weight gain more holistically because of the books breadth and then offer concrete advice about a process through which you can address the problem.

As reviewed by the boss:

The author:  Sloane Tanen

The schtick:  Cheeps* used in coffee table humor book to demonstrate the hilarity of motherhood.  Example:  baby chick lies in half-eggshell asleep in crib, mama chick (which is odd; shouldn't she be a hen and not a chick?  But I digress) is leaving the room w/ storybook flung to floor; caption beneath reads "Goodnight moon, hello martini."

(*Cheeps, tm = the marshallow chicks you find in your basket at Easter time)

If I had only one sentence to sum up my impression of this book, I would say "Cute, but definitely not indispensible."  It's undoubtedly a fast read.  Would make for an interesting gift to a mom-to-be.  But take this with a grain of salt, for my sense of humor runs more to classic Mad Magazine, Molly Ivins, and South Park.  You've been warned.

Less relevant, but really annoying:  The promo materials were a serious turnoff, designed I'm guessing for that same demographic that reads the NYTimes parenting articles in the Style section and thinks "Ah Yes, I am such an Au Courante parent."  Press clippings included a Vanity bio/puff piece on the author and her sister, who as it turns out are the children of some very famous and powerful Hollywood mogul, WHATEVS. Thrill to hear how the Tanen sisters are so normal despite their privileged upbringing, their education at Sarah Lawrence, blah blah yes, I have major class resentment.

We're quite comfortable with anatomical words in our house, freely using the word "breast" and "penis," because I subscribe to the theory that it's the most honest way to treat children -- and I don't feel the words themselves should hold any aura of naughtiness (while this is often recommended as a defense against sexual abuse, that's not why I do it -- it just seems right to me). That's part of the reason the uproar I read about in the New York Times regarding the use of the word "scrotum" in a children's book perplexed me.

Firstly, the reference is to a dog's scrotum, and the 10-year-old title character of The Higher Power of Lucky hears the word (a friend's dog is bit in the scrotum by a rattlesnake) and is fascinated by the word's unusual sound, "medical and secret, but also important." To be frank, it doesn't sound like my kind of book, but I now want to read it to all the kids I know as it's been banned in children's libraries and schools all over the U.S. According to one librarian in Colorado, "I don’t want to start an issue about censorship, but you won’t find men’s genitalia in quality literature." I beg to differ. (And this isn't a man's genitalia we're discussing -- it's a dog's!)

In my opinion, the uproar is ridiculous, on the "seeing a nipple will damage our children" scale of stupendous silliness. If you can't read the word "scrotum," then don't buy the book, I say. The article mentions that librarians from Portland weigh in on the issue, but doesn't say on which side -- as Multnomah County Library is famously liberal, and there are dozens of copies on order for the library system (with an astonishing 53 holds on the copies that are already in circulation) -- I'd say on the side of Lucky.

As I pat myself on the back for living here in Portland with our fabulous acceptance of such things, I wonder, what is your reaction to this anatomical hubbub?

Infant-friendly, saliva-resistant, tear-free book.  Does such a thing exist?  Jennifer poses the following question:

My 10-month old loves books, especially pop-ups and lift-the-flap books. Problem is, she always chews or pulls off all the flaps. Does anyone know of any lift-the-flap board books that are sturdier for little hands?

In the urbanMama's mailbox are many opportunities for reviewing books for upcoming releases.  Sadly, despite our great interest in the written word, we are overbooked.  Here's an opportunity for a Portland mama (or papa) to review upcoming book releases.  We only ask that you send us a review of the book once it's been read so that it can be shared with our wonderful community of readers.  Does this sound like something your interested in?  Send us an email along with your contact info including mailing address.  The latest offer is below:

Writing to you from Bloomsbury regarding the upcoming release of Sloane Tanen's book HATCHED! The Big Push from Pregnancy to Motherhood (Bloomsbury May 2007).  Given the topic of your blog, I'm thinking this book may be right up your (and your readers') alley!  Following the bestselling and wildly popular BITTER WITH BAGGAGE SEEKS SAME and GOING FOR THE BRONZE, Sloane Tanen's chickens are back, but gone are the worries about overbooked yoga classes and the frantic pace of online dating--this time these chickens have only one thing on their minds: babies.  From epidurals to stretch marks to maternity jeans and diaper rash, never before have the joys, trials, and tribulations of wanting, having, and raising a baby been so ingeniously and truthfully rendered.  HATCHED! will have mothers and mothers-to-be everywhere laughing with recognition.