Work vs. life: Do you regret giving up work stuff for kids?
I love my job, and I know deep down that I would never be fulfilled as a mama who didn't work outside the home. My ability to work from home, my great bosses who totally get my juggle, and the fact that I'm the primary breadwinner, seal the deal.
But today I'm feeling especially angst-y. Everyone in my division, everyone, even the administrative staff, is attending a big meeting at the feet of the big boss in New York. Due to the relatively last-minute nature of the trip and the fact I have a very small baby, I negotiated with my very understanding immediate supervisors to sit this one out; we have a big launch coming up in a couple of weeks, and putting me on two red-eyes in order to listen to a couple of PowerPoint presentations seemed silly.
I've been to New York plenty of times, I've shaken hands with the big boss, I know I'm not about to get laid off or marginalized. But somehow this is (mentally) just one too many times I've had to miss an important meeting because of children. I love my children, and I've had no real desire to endure the stress of travel in the last two months of my pregnancy and the first four months of Monroe's babyhood. But I love the thrill of getting together with remote colleagues IRL, I love New York, I'm feeling like I'm missing out on more than just a meeting. I'm missing the vibrancy and connected-ness of shaking hands and getting coffee and brainstorming with my co-workers.
I know "they" say you'll never lie on your deathbed wishing you'd spent more time at the office; I know my inner struggle is a rich woman's dilemma (note: I mean rich in life, not money ;). But still: do you ever wish you were more like the stereotypical 50s daddy, kissing baby goodbye in the morning and sailing off into the rewarding world of work without a second thought? Do you ever wish you could turn a switch and be childless just for a day or two, flipping the switch again when you were ready?
As I type this, Monroe gurgles and goos and whoa-oohs downstairs, and I know I'm happy I'm here. But... what the heck am I missing?