Avoiding depression for kids and families

We're struggling a lot with depression and anxiety here; my husband's afflicted, and so is my oldest son. More and more lately, I remember my parents worrying about the depression of one of my sisters, who has thankfully grown into an emotionally-balanced adult. Around this time of the year, it's always compounded, and speaking from experience I know that trying to enjoy the holidays with a loved family member predicting the imminent end of the world as we know it is a challenge, indeed. Sara writes:

I've posted before asking for advice about depression-proofing my daughter. She's now five, an articulate, silly, curious, thoughtful kid with a decidedly negative personality. She seizes on the negative elements of every experience, and creates huge drama-tornadoes of misery and despair. I am very concerned that she is going to grow up into an unhappy adult, the person (we all know this person) who sucks the joy out of everything. We spend a lot of time talking to her about this, trying to guide her toward more positive ways of thinking ("you're talking about the problem; do you need help talking about a solution?"), etc., and it has helped a lot at various times, but... not now. Now it just seems to be making her feel worse, like not only is the (in my opinion) minor inconvenience that she's experiencing Absolutely The End of The World, but she's also A Terrible, Terrible Person because she can't look at it positively. It is clear to all of us that this is her personality, not just a phase (though being five is NOT easy, so there's some phase-y-ness in there, too). She is never going to be a glass-half-full person. I don't want to change who she is, and I don't actually think there's anything wrong with inclining to the negative. I just don't want it to be all she is.

So I need your help, community. How can I help my daughter grow up to be at least a not-miserable person? How can I help her learn more positive approaches without communicating to her that her feelings (and her basic personality) are wrong and bad?

What advice do you have for Sara? If you also have family members struggling with depression and anxiety, how do you find your way to a happy holiday for you and the more cheery members of your family?

the last-minute mama: It's teacher gift time!

Thank goodness for Asha of Parenthacks, who tweeted about 45 minutes before I was due to pick Truman up from his last day of preschool before the break. She was making this chai concentrate from the Oregonian (lots of good homemade food gift ideas in this series, too) for her kids' teachers. Forty-one minutes later, I'd decided upon some of my fanciest jars of homemade preserves and decorative doohickeys to cover the lids, and off I went. But now I must get together gifts for Everett's teachers to avoid (I type only 16-some hours before his bus picks him up) the last minute.

Last year I had it really together, and purchased farmer's market tokens the Saturday prior to the last week of school. Smart hmm? I even made sweet little notes mentioning our favorite vendors and pointing out that the last farmer's market of the season would be the Saturday after school got out. Though I still think that this is a great idea (more on that later), not only did my gifts almost not get given due to snowed-out school, the last market day of the year was so cold Portland Farmer's Market canceled. Sure, the tokens were good in the spring, but who knows if the teachers remembered where they put them.

While most of we urbanMamas founders had little ones in daycare, we chatted about gifts for daycare providers. Among the comments there was a link to this post about teacher gifts; throughout all these I found many good ideas and themes. Here are some of the most commonly-mentioned ones:

• Gift certificates are the best gift of all (though rarely, teachers find them impersonal). Not only did one daycare provider ask for "a certificate to either a toy store or a supply store. Why? Because, I swear, I lose at least one toy a day due to toddler destruction," but gift certificates can be regifted (I suspect my middle sister, a teacher, of having done this on more than one occasion). I thought my farmer's market token idea was brilliant at the time; but you may want to choose a year-round market.
• Gift certificate ideas: coffee shop, New Seasons, craft store, toy store, restaurant you know is convenient to teacher's home/school, co-op (I saw Truman's preschool teacher at People's so I can give her a GC with confidence!), Fred Meyer, spas, massage therapists, Escential, Powell's, one of Portland's awesome chocolate shops (Alma or Sahagun), other ideas?  
• Winter-themed or holiday-themed ornaments, either purchased or made by your children, are welcome for teachers if you know what holiday they celebrate. Warning: make sure you're certain they celebrate Christmas before giving them Jesus in a popsicle-stick manger.
• Food gifts. The Oregonian, as I mentioned, had a nice roundup of gift ideas; hot cocoa mix spiced with something unusual (chile? cinnamon? star anise?), homemade preserves (especially ice cream toppings), homemade spice blends, dried chiles, and pickles seem good choices. Buy some fantastic finishing salt from the Meadow, if you really love your child's teacher (vanilla salt!). Homemade vanilla is the hot gift this year (so says my Twitter stream); I'm making one batch with a star of star anise in addition to vanilla (I tested this myself and it's delicious -- but if you make it tonight, be sure and add a best-by date on label). However. Please remember, this being the city it is, many many people have very strict food rules, either due to values or aversions or allergies or some other things altogether (fear of pesticides maybe!). It would be unfortunate to give homemade Tollhouse cookie dough to a locavore teacher who doesn't do sugar or gluten. If you don't know, skip the food. At the very least, list ingredients with as much specificity as possible.
• Crafty mamas. I have faith in my ability to make something with my own hands that a teacher will like. Perhaps it's hubris, but I'm going with it. I am, I think, about to head upstairs to my sewing room to pull together some reusable market bags for Everett's teachers and such, into which if I am still in possession of calm children, I will put some sort of food gift. Other relatively quick-to-make ideas I've come across in the past several minutes: quilted list takers (sweet); recycled sweater hats; retro apron; handspun yarn or needle roll (if you know teacher is a knitter). I'd love to hear your ideas.
• Lotions & bath things. This wouldn't float my boat, but according to many online sources and real actual teachers, these are sometimes appreciated. To be safe (again remembering the city in which we live) I'd choose a brand with as few harmful surfactants and parabens and such as possible. One really excellent local brand is Wild Carrot Herbals; I met Jody, mama in charge, when she was hugely pregnant with her little daughter and I appreciate her products and principles mightily. You can find them at New Seasons, Limbo and People's Co-op (and probably other places, too).
• No mugs! (Although if I were a teacher I would love a mug made by a local potter; I'm not a teacher so don't assume ;).
• A nice letter. I was surprised how many times a teacher mentioned he or she treasured a thoughtful letter of appreciation. Especially, a hand-written one.

Seeking Recommendations for Divorce Attorney

We have before talked about how to approach separation while still remaining engaged co-parents.  We have yet to seek your recommendations for a divorce attorney, however.  An urbanMama recently emails:

I am in need of finding a really good divorce attorney.  I tried to settle this nicely, but my ex is threatening me financially and emotionally, therefore I feel like I need solid representation.  I know this community is an invaluable resource and I'm hoping on finding information from others who have gone through this experience and if anything can recommend a helpful and strong attorney.

PPS wants your opinion about before and after school programs

I'm sure that anyone who sends their children to Portland Public Schools' before and after school programs has an opinion about them.  Love them? Hate them?  Wish there were more spaces?  Somewhere in between?  Got ideas about how they could be better? 

Then share them with PPS (or here in the comments if you care to elaborate beyond what they ask)! 

PPS has a short online survey that closes this Friday, December 18th. They want to know about your experiences with SUN, Boys & Girls Club, and Pdx Parks & Recreation after-school programs, too). If you complete the survey, you can add your name to be included in a discussion group about after-school programs.

Questions?  Contact PPS's Nancy Hauth.  And here's the 1-2-3 about PPS's after-school programs, including a list of what providers serve which schools.

Know of any Caroling Groups?

When I was growing up, caroling was a big part of the holiday season.  We would practice for a few weeks leading up to the holiday week, then showcase our pieces at a few homes who would invite us to sing for them.

I would love to go Christmas caroling this year with my 5 year old daughter.  I have tried unsuccessfully to gather a group of friends/family to join us.  We are not really a part of a church or other community who is planning anything like this.   Any leads on caroling groups or community Christmas sing-a-longs we could hook up with?

Did you grow up caroling?  Is spreading holiday cheer through song something you do with your children?

Weekend Warriors: December 18-20

Friday, Dec. 18
- Story and a Stroll – It’s Winter. 1 p.m. Tryon Creek State Park. A short guided walk with a park naturalist targeted to families with children ages 3-6. Free, but registration required by calling 503-636-9886 ext. 225 or e-mailing christal.florin@state.or.us. www.tryonfriends.org .
- Menorah Lighting. 3:30 p.m. Pioneer Courthouse Square. Celebrate with the fully lit menorah on the last night of Chanukah. Free. www.chabadoregon.com
- Movie Night. Santa Claus is Coming to Town and Frosty the Snowman. 5 p.m. (with a repeat at the same time Saturday night) at Café Sip-n-Play, 3000 SE 164th Ave., Vancouver. Free 360-896-4446 or www.cafesipnplay.com

Saturday, Dec. 19
- Portland Farmers Market, 9 a.m. – 2 p.m., South Park Blocks. The last PSU market of the season. www.portlandfarmersmarket.org .
- Oregon Historical Society Museum Family and Free Day, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Meet costumed interpreters from the Oregon Black Pioneer Association from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. Family activities and kids crafts will center around artifacts from Vancouver Avenue First Baptist Church. 1200 SW Park Ave. www.ohs.org or 503-306-5198.
- Huichol Yarn Art. 1:30 p.m. Puett Room, Tigard Public Library, 13500 SW Hall Blvd. Learn about the art of the indigenous Huichol people of Mexico and make a yarn painting. Ages 5 and up. Free. 503-639-4171 or www.tigard-or.gov/library .
- Winter Solstice/Christmas Ships. 4:30-6:30 p.m. Milwaukie Riverfront Park at the Jefferson St. Boat Ramp. Bonfire, caroling, cocoa/coffee, hot dogs and desserts for sale, Both Christmas ship fleets sail by at about 5:30 p.m. Free. www.cityofmilwaukie.org or 503-786-7568.

Sunday, Dec. 20

- Hillsdale Farmers Market Winter Market. 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Behind the Hillsdale Shopping Center on Southwest Capitol Highway. www.hillsdalefarmersmarket.com .
- Railroad Club Open House. Noon to 4 p.m., basement of Aloha Mall on Southwest 185th Avenue and the Tualatin Valley Highway in Beaverton. The Portland chapter of Train Collectors Association and Toy Train Operating Society opens its clubhouse to the public once a year, with hands on layouts that kids can operate, train maintenance clinics and other fun. Free, but food bank donations requested. For more information call Steve at 503-449-8756.
- Winter Wonderland Ice Skating Show, featuring groups and soloists studying at the Lloyd Center Ice Rink. Noon 1 p.m. Best view is from the second level of the mall. Free.
- 3D Photos with Santa. 1 p.m. to 5 p.m., 3D Center of Art and Photography, 1928 NW Lovejoy, Portland. Visitors can buy a souvenir photo with Santa with a 3D viewer for $6. Admission is $5 for adults; free for ages 14 and under. www.3dcenter.us or 503-227-6667.
- Winter Solstice Celebration. 3 p.m. to 5 p.m. Tryon Creek Park. Learn the scientific explanation of the solstice, followed by a craft and a hike in the woods as the sun sets. Free, but attendance is limited; pre-registration is requested by emailing sandi@tryonfriends.org or calling 503-636-4398. www.tryonfriends.org .

Disclaimer: Sometimes I make mistakes or things change. Please use the web links or phone numbers to doublecheck times, dates and other information before heading out.

Warm Clothing Drives 2009

In this very, very frigid season, there are many children and families who are struggling to keep warm.  Do you know of a warm clothing/coat drive where some of us could offer additional warmth to families this winter?  From one of our yahoo groups, we have heard of one drive a local mama has organized:

I'd like to get the word out about a Clothing Drive I've organized to benefit Weathered Hands. They are an organization that braves the cold on Christmas Eve to deliver warm clothes, blankets, socks and other necessaties to the Homeless in Portland. Last year they were able to reach 1500 individuals and did 'bulk' drops at 17 local shelters. Of those shelters, 7 were family based (battered women's shelters, single mom's shelters, etc.)

They can use items of all sizes infant to adult, so if you've got stuff in mind taking up room in your closet or storage area, and haven't chosen an organization to donate to this Holiday Season, I ask you to consider Weathered Hands. We have a drop off at Black Wagon (on N. Mississippi).

I couldn't find much info out there about Weathered Hands, so Becca, the urbanMama organizing the drive/pick up, sent more info:

It is that time of year again when we start gearing up for Weathered Hands.  We are going into our ninth year and due to current economic realities the need is at an all time high.  Our goal this year is to deliver gift bags to fifteen hundred homeless citizens and concurrently deliver “bulk drops” to sixteen shelters. If you have not chosen a public benefit organization to support for the holiday season, we would welcome your donations of time, goods (please contact us for specifics), or money. Why is Weathered Hands so unique?

1. We are a grassroots group that has a primary mission to give back directly to our immediate community
2. One-hundred percent of all donations reach the people who are in need
3. We offer opportunities for people of all ages to participate from planning, collection, production to delivery.
4. We have directly impacted over ten thousand people during our first eight years

If you, your family, friends or organization have a desire to participate please contact me so we can strategize how to maximize your efforts.  If you would prefer to provide merchandise our team is willing to provide a pickup service.  Finally, any financial donations can be sent to the following address: Weathered Hands, 10766 SE Turnberry Loop, Happy Valley, Oregon 97086 or email: cole.chatterton@comcast.net

Feel free to share other clothing drives or ideas on how urbanFamilies can give back during this winter season.

Car-free Peacock Lane tonight

The Peacock Lane lights display is a favorite from as far back in my childhood as I can remember. It's only the second year, however, that the event has had an official car-free night; the evening before "opening day" is reserved for pedestrians and bicyclists (and rollerbladers, skateboarders, or other modes of transport without engines).

This year, it won't be nearly as frigid as last year and I'm hoping I'll convince my boyfolk to go. It starts at 6 p.m. tonight and goes through 11 (as if any parents stay up that late on a school night! ;)... will you be there? My advice, if you go: bring a thermos of hot cocoa and perhaps a few home-baked cookies. And if you're not on bikes, Trimet is very convenient; one year we got off at one end, walked the length of the lane, and got back on the bus at the other end. Like a limo, but cheaper...

Activistas on working fathers, green cleaning @ school, childhood hunger, and so much more

It's so cold and dark out we've lots of time to brood, thus much musing over on Activistas.  We're talking about:

• Sharing what we have to end childhood hunger.  The holidays are here and that often means cookies, cocktail parties and special meals with friends and family. For me, the holidays have always had a food connection with my family traditions and I look forward to sharing those with my children as they grow. But, for many families....

• Cleaning greener in schools.  Omamas (The Oregonian mom squad) reminded me about a local eco-school network this morning (thank you, Facebook), which prompted me to share this post about green cleaning in schools that I wrote a little while ago for Moms Rising.  Guess we're all on the same page.

• Fast Food Nation: How would YOU change it?  As part of Neil Kramer's awesome Great Interview Experiment, I found myself answering this excellent question from Slouchy: " If President Obama were to approach you for advice as to how to convert the United States to something other than a “fast food nation,” what would you suggest to him?"

• Gloria Steinem talks paid sick days in NYC.  On November 17, A Better Balance, a NY-based legal team fighting to give American workers the time and flexibility they need to care for their families (right on), joined Gloria Steinem (remember her? she's still at it!) and a good many activists on the steps of City Hall in New York City to support paid sick leave for all New Yorkers, which the city council is currently considering. 

• Crawling for chemical policy reform - yes, crawling.  I've lived in Portland for 8 years now and not once made it to Washington Square Mall (probably because Bob's Red Mill is closer to Clackamas). But tomorrow there's good reason to hit the freeway and head west.  See, I've l-o-n-g been wound up about toxic chemicals. 

• Help a homeless family into housing this winter.  Our goal is to raise a total of $2,500, the cost of assisting a homeless family into permanent housing through JOIN, a local nonprofit that helps get homeless families and individuals off the streets and into permanent housing.  Metro Parent is very generously matching $1,250 in donations, and Activistas will match $100. 

   

temperate parents, dealing with cold weather, whoa!

Tuesday was the first day I'd had to take the kids out on the bike in this cold, cold weather and I did a great job of bundling. Hats, scarves, double layers of pants and socks, mittens... I was so proud of myself! I sat Monroe and Truman on the back of my mamabikeorama and headed off to preschool. Luckily the road was open, because a few blocks away from school my load suddenly got much lighter and my bike wobbled. Monroe, trying to hold on with his fat slippery mittens, had fallen off.

So that was the first bloody face of the cold snap. His lip and chin were scraped, but he'd recovered enough to be put back on the bike (in the bike seat between my handlebars for good until the weather changes, I decided) after about 10 minutes. Our second bloody face came Wednesday, when Truman decided to check to see what his dad meant, exactly, by "that spot that looks wet is actually icy." He came home to me with the worst bloody nose I've seen in years.

It must be easier for parents of more regularly frozen climes; are they born with an innate knowledge of how to adjust to the cold? I feel so inept. I'm glad I've learned these lessons (no slippery mittens on the back of the Xtracycle, hold a kid's hand the first time he discovers an ice hazard) without permanent injury. I've been scouring thrift stores for snow boots and kids' ski pants and wishing I was more prepared. How have you been dealing with the cold weather? Are you finding any of your regular rhythms awkwardly (or delightfully) changed? Is there any gear you love and can't do without? Have you been surprised with any bloody lessons?

One thing I love is how thrilled the boys are every day when they go outside to ice crystals and frost in the shadows, it's magic to them and I confess to longing for last year's snowy quiet.

Weekend Warriors: December 11-13

Friday, Dec. 11

• Tales for Jewish Book Month. 10:30 – 11:30 a.m., Woodstock Library, 6008 SE 49th Ave. Portland. The Jewish Theater Collaborative presents dramatic readings of the children’s books “Friday Nights of Nana” and “When Mindy Saved Hannukah.” Targeted to ages 6 and under. Free. (503) 248-9328.
• Story and a Stroll: Scared-y Squirrel. 1 p.m. Tryon Creek State Park. Targeted to families with children ages 3-6. Free, but registration required by calling 503-636-9886 ext. 225 or e-mailing christal.florin@state.or.us 
• Menorah Lighting. 3:30 p.m. Pioneer Courthouse Square. Chabad of Oregon lights the first candle on its giant menorah in celebration of the first night of Hanukkah. The celebration continues nightly until Dec. 18, but times vary. 503-223-1613
• Holiday Express. Twenty four departures throughout the weekend from Oaks Park Station near Oaks Park. The Oregon Rail Heritage Foundation offers rides in vintage train cars with Santa aboard, pulled by historic steam locomotives. The event raises money to build a permanent home near OMSI for the city’s three steam locomotives. $14 for adults, $8 for children ages 3-12. Tickets are available online or at Ticketwest outlets and can be picked up at the station before the ride. 

Saturday, Dec. 12

• Free Family Day at Washington County Museum. 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. 17677 NW Springville Road, on the campus of PCC Rock Creek. In addition to seasonal crafts such as reindeer ornaments, snowmen gift bags and print-your-own wrapping paper, Brigette Whipple will talk about Native American beaded horse regalia and lead a hands-on beading activity suitable for all ages. The activity connects to the museum's current exhibit “Oregon is Indian Country,” a partnership between the Oregon Historical Society and the state’s nine federally recognized tribes. Free. www.washingtoncountymuseum.org or 503-645-5353.
• Mad Science Open House. 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. at Mad Science, 1522 N. Ainsworth St. Hands on science experiments for all ages. Free. http://www.madscience.org/locations/portland or 503-230-8040
• Tuba Christmas Concert. 1:30 to 3 p.m., Pioneer Courthouse Square. The sound of 200 tubas playing holiday music – with a sing-along. Free. www.pioneercourthousesquare.org or 503-223-1613
• Wrapping Paper Workshop. 3 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. Belmont Library, 1038 SE 39th Ave. Create wrapping paper with stamps and paper and help from artist Colleen Cavin. Seating limited; first come, first served. 503-988-5382
• The Book That Eats People. 3 p.m. Green Bean Books. 1600 NE Alberta St. Illustrator Mark Fearing reads the silly and sinister book he helped create. Free. www.greenbeanbookspdx.com or 503-954-2354

Sunday, Dec. 13

• Skate for the Sunshine Division at Lloyd Center. http://www.lloydcenterice.com/ 12:15 p.m. to 6 p.m. at the Lloyd Center Ice Rink. Bring five cans of food for the Portland Police Bureau Sunshine Division to receive free admission and skate rental. www.lloydcenterice.com or 503-288-6073.
• Posada Milagro 2009. 1 p.m. to 5 p.m. at at El Centro Milagro, 525 S.E. Stark St. The festival of music, dance, crafts and food includes two performances of the play Si Ayer Fuera Hoy (If Yesterday Were Today) at 2 p.m. and 4 p.m. Both the event and the play are free, but donations to the Oregon Food Bank are encouraged. Tickets to both performances will be handed out while supplies last, starting at 1 p.m. Sunday. All ages. www.milagro.org or 503-236-7253.
• Winter Dioramas. 1:30 to 3:30 p.m. Gregory Heights Library, 7921 Sandy Blvd. Teens and adults transform small boxes into winter scenes. Free, but registration required at the library, online or by phone. www.multcolib.org or 503-988-5234

Helping Mama & Papa in the kitchen

When I was about 5 or 6, I wanted desperately to fix myself food and snacks.  So, I made myself some toast.  I stood on a stool, I put in my two pieces of wonder bread in the slots, and I waited.  When the bread shot up, I reached to grab my slices, but I lost my footing.  My forearm landed squarely on the toaster.  Ouuuuuch!  It hurt so badly.  And, more than my forearm suffering some minor burns, I was more bruised by the feeling of ineptitude in the kitchen.

There must be a way to help our little ones gain confidence in the kitchen, with our guidance and supervision.  An urbanMama recently emailed:

My 18-month old daughter very much wants to be a part of helping Mommy and Papa cook.  So far one of us has held her up to watch the other, but this doesn't always work, and it doesn't give her a chance to be involved.  Bottom line is we have to find something that raises her up to where we're working.  We can't use a chair because we've been working on the whole "we don't stand on chairs" idea (and it's not safe, of course).  I am also not comfortable trying some kind of foot stool (too tippy).  Anyone found something that's worked for you?

How have you gotten the children more involved in the kitchen?  At what age?

bedtime routines for the unfailingly energetic

We have a typical bedtime routine: after dinner, I let the boys play together for a while (winter: inside; summer: outside) and then, after a few regular warnings, I issue snacks, order potty trips, and start in on the books. Truman and Monroe get four books, together; if Everett's still awake by that time, he gets his own book. An hour from start to finish.

That's with melatonin, a gentle sleep aid recommended by my pediatrician. Without the melatonin, which Everett sometimes resists (he's worried it makes nighttime accidents more likely) and Monroe sometimes is unaffected by, it's a couple of hours with Everett (seven and a half) and Monroe (two and a half) literally bouncing off the walls, floors, bunkbed, tackling each other, playing cannonball with the stuffed animals, jumping rope, hanging upside down from the top bunk, throwing paper airplanes at me and giving me "two for flinching!" Meanwhile, Truman (four and a half) variously cries, giggles, joins in, or falls asleep in understandable self-defense. Splitting them up for bedtime doesn't work; all the rooms available for sleeping are too close together and none of them have properly securable doors.

Ideally, I won't have to give Everett and Monroe melatonin until they're 18 and bedtimes are no longer my responsibility; I'll somehow teach them to develop calming methods of their own. All my considerable efforts to do so thus far have been in vain, and I've tried yoga, early evening exercise, baths (much objection, anyway, to frequent bathing), bedtime milk, completely foregoing sugar, sleepy time tea (which helped, once, at 11 p.m.), breathing exercises, poetry, prayer. Once they're wound up, my efforts often end up being completely ignored, anyway, CANNONBALL! 

Ideas? Has anyone developed a surefire way to calm a couple of children who, by every indication, are developmentally delayed in self-calming? I'd love to hear any thoughts.

What is your thermostat set for?

Some of our favorite conversations has to do decisions we make in our day-to-day lives -- our preferred O's, the best sliced bread, how often they bathe, how often we bathe.  With temperatures dipping into the 20s, I hear the heater running on overload, wondering what is your thermostat set for?

Nutcracker Round-Up 2009

It's that time of year again.  For many families, watching a Nutcracker production is part of the holiday ritual.  The Oregon Ballet Theatre, of course, offers the premier show in town, but ticket prices are at a premium.  OBT's proudction runs throughout the season, from December 12 through the 27th, with shows on Thursdays (shows at 7:30), Fridays (shows at 7:30), Saturdays (shows at 2pm and 7:30pm), and Sundays (shows at 1pm and 5:30pm).  From what we can tell, tickets run from $17 to $130.  This year, OBT is offering the opportunity to sponsor a child and send him/her to see the show for $15.

How about some other productions and dance companies?  Here is what we've found so far.  Feel free to add others we missed and check out last year's round up, too.

• Columbia Dance performs December 18 through the 20th with shows at 7pm (Friday), 2pm and 7pm (Saturday), and 1pm and 5pm (Sunday).  Peformance to be held at the Royal Durst Theatre in Vancouver, WA; tickets are $15 (adults) and $10 (children under 12).  12/18 thru 20. Vancouver
• Vancouver Dance Theatre performs this weekend, December 4 through the 6th with shows at 7pm (Friday, and Sunday) and 2pm (Saturday and Sunday).  Performance to be held at Fort Vancouver High School; tickets are $15 (adults) and $10 (children under 18).  They even have a discount coupon on the website!
• Classical Balley Academy performs this weekend also, December 5 and 6 with shows at 2:30pm (Sat and Sun) and 7pm (Saturday only).  Performance to be held at St. Mary's Academy (downtown PDX); tickets are $17 (adults) and $12 (children under 9).
• NW Dance Theatre presents the "Nutcracker Tea" December 18 through 20 with sows at 7pm (Friday and Saturday), 1pm (Sunday), 2 (Saturday), and 5PM (Sunday).  Performance to be held at PCC Sylvania; tickets range from $10 to $26.   Complimentary refreshments to be served!

Weekend Warriors: December 4-6

As the first weekend of December approaches, we know two things: it's going to be coooolldd and beautiful. We're thinking it would be a perfect weekend to pick up a Christmas tree, if you're into that sort of thing, or go dig or chop one out in the woods.

Friday, December 4

Providence Festival of the Trees. 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. Friday and 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Saturday at the Oregon Convention Center. Singing by area school and community groups plus oodles of beautifully decorated trees and other holiday lovelies. $5 adults, $3 children 3-12; there's a $1 off coupon here and performers are free.

Macy's Santaland. 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. Friday and Saturday, and daily through December 24. It's not quite the top floor tradition from decades past, but this Santaland, now on the lower level of the downtown flagship department store, is according to Macy's "the highest rated Santa experience in Portland."

Cafe au Play tree sale. Usually only open Saturdays and Sundays, this Friday afternoon and evening Cafe au Play's second annual tree and bake sale will be on extended hours. From Molalla's Timber Ridge Tree Farm, the trees are a great bargain and money goes to help open a family-friendly cafe here at 57th and Division.

Gingerbread Land at the Benson Hotel. Through December 27th, see Portland through the eyes of Hansel and Gretel; "5 pounds of gingerbread, 25 pounds of marzipan, and 20 pounds of chocolate." Yum.

Saturday, December 5

Handmade Cards at the Sellwood-Moreland Library. 10:30 a.m. to 12 noon. "Create one-of-a-kind greeting cards for friends, family, teachers – anyone you like! Learn card-making techniques to use for any occasion." Space limited.

ScanFair. 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.; 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. Sunday. This is the 25th annual celebration of all things Scandinavian, at the Smith Memorial Center. Traditional and modern Scandinavian arts and crafts; aebleskivers, Swedish meatballs, and more; and 'Pippi Longstocking Room' for kids with crafts and other fun things. $6 admission for adults; kids 12 and under are free.

Soulstice Celebration at the Northwest Library. 3 - 4 p.m. An "intimate and secular show... Portlander Lauren Sheehan plays guitar, banjo, mandolin..." Folk music and storytelling.

Oregon ZooLights. 5 - 8 p.m., now through January 3rd. Members at "Plus" levels and above are free; ride the train with zoo admission for $10.75 for adults and $7.75 for youth. Find a friend with a membership if you can, bundle up, and if you're smart, bring a big thermos of hot cocoa: this Portland tradition is worth braving the cold.

Sunday, December 6

Handmade NW Holiday Artisans Fair. 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. at the Chelsea Ballroom. I know these events are great for shopping, but I love to go for the craft ideas. I always come away wanting to hole up in my sewing room for a couple of days. Lots of Portland mamas have booths here, so it's a good way to support a fellow urbanMama.

Winter Magic puppet show at Holgate Library. 2 - 2:45 p.m. A "new musical puppet journey with Penny's Puppet Production" targeted at preschool and young elementary-aged children.

Monday, December 7 (bonus!)

Bike night at the Jubitz PIR WinterWonderland. 5 - 9 p.m. At the Portland International Raceway, this is the "Largest Holiday Light Show West of the Mississippi" and Monday night is sponsored by Bike Gallery -- $5 for adults and free for children under 12. Helmets required for kiddos 16 and under. Anyone interested in meeting for a group ride to the raceway?

Favorite Winter-Themed Books?

The sun may be shining, but we are definitely approaching the heart of wintertime.  As the seasons change, so may our books to resonate with the world around us.  An urbanMama recently emailed to see if you could recommend a few seasonal reads:

Hi mamas, I am hoping you will post something to get us talking about our favorite winter books. I am trying to build our collection and am looking for ideas. On my list to buy this year are The Tomten by Astrid Lindgren and Snow by Uri Shulevitz. Favorites from my childhood are The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keatz and Father Christmas goes on Holiday by Raymond Briggs.

Image from cafemama's favorite winter book, The Lemon Sisters by Andrea Cheng and illustrated by Tatjana Mai-Wyss.

12.16.2009 - urbanMamas coffee playdate & Sydney's closing

Is it true that all good things must come to an end?  We recall one particularly robust urbanMamas coffee playdate at Sydney's that must have brought together 30 or 40 mamas, papas, and little ones to meet, have coffee, and play.  Sydney's has been a home, gathering place, play space, and work area to many of us for over three years now, but the time has come for them to shut their doors due to the loss of their lease.  Their last day open will be December 18, 2009.

 
Let's gather one last time to show some love at Sydney's, shall we?  It is bound to be busy on their last day Friday, so let's do a mid-week get together, which I can finagle right now while I'm on maternity leave.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009
uM coffee playdate
Sydney's Cafe
NW 15th and NW Thurman
9-11:30 AM

Post-Vaccine: Are they sick, sluggish & down-right cranky?

We have shared plenty of thoughts our approaches to vaccinations.  Plenty of thoughts.  We are a pro-vaccination family.  Yesterday, our newest babe had a round of shots.  Poor little thing.  Wailed like he didn't know what hit him.  Today, we shared a tough, tough day; the babe was so needy, so fussy, so whimpery.  I don't know why it occurred to me just now: could it be the vaccines?  If you've chosen to vaccinate, have your child(ren) responded to the vaccines?  Perhaps with a low-grade fever?  With a bit of lethargy?  With a down-right crankiness?

Work at Home (WAH) Options?

Staying at home with babe is not necessarily a financially advantageous situation.  Many mamas try to craft a work plan that allows them to stay at home, while also trying to make ends meet.  An urbanMama's sister-in-law recently emailed, to see if the rest of the community had suggestions:

My brother and his wife recently had their first child and we are all thrilled. She teaches and has worked it so that she took her maternity leave at the beginning of the school year and will have to be returning to teach in December while my brother takes all his sick days to stay home and take care of they baby.

My sister-in-law would would love to work from home and take care of they baby full-time, but she doesn't have a job that will work like that at the moment.  Financially, they both need to be working. I know it's going to be really tough for my SIL to go back and I'm wondering if you have tips on things she might be able to do from home in order to keep ends meeting and still be with the baby.

Do you know of work options that could allow a mama to stay home with the baby?

WEEKEND WARRIORS: November 27-29

The kids are out of school (and of course it's raining) and it feels like half of Portland is out shopping, what's one to do?  Even Weekend Warrior is coming up a little empty handed this weekend (although maybe we're too full of turkey to be inspired?).  If you're looking forward to a fun and exciting event this weekend, do tell!

Friday

Macy's Holiday Parade:  Over 25 floats (one featuring you-know-who) and 500 costumed characters, plus the requisite marching bands. Click link for map of route. 8:45 am-10:00 am.

Junior Gymnast Playpark: There's nothing like trampolines and swinging rings to burn off some energy. Kids 18 months to six years are welcome, $5.50 per child. Rose City Gymnastics Academy (116 N. Page), 11:00 am-noon.

Title Wave Used Book Sale: Support our great library system (and score some affordable holiday gifts at the same time). Title Wave Used Bookstore (216 NE Knott), 9:00 am-4:00 pm.

The Sharing Carrot:  Share the gift of giving with this lively puppet show from Penny Puppets that is sure to entertain all. $5 each or 4 for $17.  The Off Broadway (Central Lutheran Church fellowship hall, 1820 NE 21st), 10:00 am.

Saturday

Interactive Shadow Puppet Theater: This performance/workshop is designed to have the participants create their own shadow puppet play. Using simple materials, children are encouraged to let their creativity and imagination run rampant as they are in control of what happens in the story. $3-5 suggested donation, Curious Comedy Theater (5225 NE MLK Blvd). 10:30 am.

Downtown Fun: If you find yourself downtown, you can always check out the gingerbread display at the Benson Hotel (over 125 pounds worth of cookie, marzipan, and chocolate) and hear the Dickens Carolers perform at Pioneer Courthouse Square, 12:00-2:00 pm.

Little Kids' Jamboree:  Lorna Miller will entertain adults and kids alike with music, rhythm, and movement.  $5 per family. Mississippi Pizza (3552 N. Mississippi), 4:00 pm.

Tree Lightings: Hot chocolate? Check. Singing? Check. Check out the lighting of trees in either N. Portland (Mississippi Commons) or the Pearl (Jamison Square), both at 5:00 pm.

Sunday

"You-Who": This monthly "children's variety rock show" will feature Quasi and the Portland Ukulele Project, kids crafts, and an intriguing "kids styling salon" where the kids are the stylists and then go on parade. Be warned, the October event was sold out several days before the event. Walking-age kids under 12 are $5, adults with kids are $10, and adults sans kiddos are $15.  McMenamins Kennedy School (5736 N.E. 33rd Ave), Noon-4:00 pm.

Meeting Mr. Right, who is not Dad

Introducing a new parent figure into a child's life is a big step that many of us has been through.  An urbanMama recently emailed, seeking your experience and perspective:

I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter.  I have been separated from her father since she was 15 months old. Since that time he has had NO interaction or contact with his daughter. We have no legal statements of custody (legally, I believe this means that we have joint custody. All of his parental rights are intact.) He has had NO visitation, pays NO child support. He and I do not even speak; not because we are uncivil but because when we separated we separated completely. 

I have recently met the man whom I believe I am going to marry. We have talked about him adopting my daughter.  Does anyone know anything about the adoption requirements in the state of Oregon? I am assuming that my daughter's father will have to sign adoption papers if we wish for my current boyfriend to legally adopt my daughter.

More importantly, has anyone had experience with integrating a father figure into a young child's life? My daughter has never known a father, although she has recently begun to ask things like "Where's my dad?" and "Why don't I have a dad?" as she has started to interact with friends who have both a mother and a father.  I'd love to hear anyone's story, advice, opinion, etc about introducing a father figure into her life at this age.  I have no intention of expecting her to call this new person "Dad".  He and I both feel that if that day comes, wonderful but that is something we will let her come to on her own terms. But how do you EXPLAIN the role of father if and when she asks if this person is her dad?  I believe in being honest and fair with her. I'd like to be able to answer her questions as honestly and as safely, in terms of her development, as I can. I know I don't have all the answers. So, I'd love any support or advice anyone has to share. Book recommendations are always appreciated! :-)

Home alone: when's the right time?

Our natural next question, after pondering leaving our child(ren) in the car alone, is: would you leave your child(ren) home alone?  Another mama had the same thought, and she emails:

Hot on the heels of the post about leaving your kid in the car alone... I'm wondering at what age people have left their kids at home alone, and under what circumstances.  I just found out that my partner left our 4 year old at home watching TV while he (literally) ran about 8 blocks to go pick up a Zipcar.  I strongly disagree with his decision to leave her in the house by herself, even just for 5-10 minutes.  He says that he weighed the options, feeling that she was firmly planted in front of the TV and was unlikely to go anywhere (true, it was highly unlikely), and wouldn't have left if he didn't feel it was safe. 

What age is too young to be at home alone when the parent is farther away than, say, the neighbor's front porch? 

PPS Before-/After-School Care Survey

Remember earlier in the year when we had a discussion about before- and after-school care?  We recently received an email from PPS, and they are seeking the input of parents:

The district and childcare providers in Portland Public Schools are interested in learning about your child's experience in before and after school care. The district is also interested in knowing about other before and after school programs that your children attend regularly. This online survey is relevant for all parents/guardians with children ages 5-12, even if your school doesn't offer child care on site or if you choose not to use child care at your school.
 
The results are used as part of an annual program evaluation and to make district childcare decisions. Please take a few moments to complete this survey by Monday, December 18, 2009 using this link: http://www.zoomerang.com/Survey/?p=WEB229V5VK3A36.