Urban Mamas

Monroe, finally, seemed ready for potty training. He started to have a more positive response to the question, "do you want to try to go potty?" My sister (who teaches preschool for two- and three-year-olds, and babysits for me regularly) bought him a bag of gum drops from Trader Joe's, and started offering them as prizes. His early intervention specialist mentioned the way to tell he was ready was, could he be dry through the night? And the next night, I let him go the night in his underwear, and sure enough: he made it!

So we began; put away the diapers and started the slow progress toward an accident-free future. Emphasis on slow. Though he lately seems to have almost conquered the pee accidents, the poop accidents are frequent. So we're on a potty training diet.

The first thing off my list was corn on the cob. We don't eat it much, anyway, as I rarely buy fresh food that's out of season, and it's not something I love enough to freeze. But Everett had asked for some, and there was sorta-local corn cheap at Limbo. Four corn-kernel-filled pairs of underwear later, gross gross gross, and I declared (quietly, to myself, no point in reminding him he loves it) NO MORE CORN. Yesterday, I let him have blueberries, against my better judgment. Yuck. Three times cleaning blueberry poop off the floor was enough to have me questioning that (delicious and healthy but oh! messy!) food, too.

It seems like a perfectly rational plan, to me, to limit the diet to less-poop-inducing foods while you're in the worst of potty training's throes. Maybe my brain is a bit addled by the ick. Have any of you done this? What foods have you, umm, eliminated?

We all go through it sometime.  But, the question is: when?  An urbanMama recently emailed about her daughter showing interest in the potty, wondering whether this was the right time and age to start:

Then, once we've decided that the time to start potty training has come, how did you go about doing it?

So it was entirely my fault that she had no underpants on.  We're potty learning (which I keep forgetting while out of the house), and my daughter had pooped in them at our previous stop (the co-op).  Having no others with me (oops), she was commando.  Silly me to go on to another errand, sans panties.  Good thing we were in a kids clothing store when IT happened.

I've had a lot of unexpected, odd, just plain funny moments as a parent, as I'm sure you have. But in my entire 5 and 1/2 years at this, tonight took the cake.  I walked up to a sales clerk with a fresh poop in my hand, scooped off the store's hard wood floors moments before.  Somewhat horrified, but also chuckling, I asked for a papertowel.  Like that was gonna do it!  Ha! Thankfully, the people were amazingly helpful and not one iota critical (thanks Baby Gap, Lloyd Center).  The sales guy even told me it wasn't the first time - in his own words, "I've been to this rodeo before."  And rodeo it was.  Before we were outta there (and I naturally lost my cell phone), she'd pooped again and peed on the floor, then walked around a bit to create some nice footprints.  Poor girl.  Poor me.  Poor store!

So on this first Monday morning of fall, let's make each other laugh with some of the other great potty learning moments in modern parenting history.  Until now I had thought my son pooping on people's grass median strips en route home from the MAX station was the absolute worst (we learned to carry newspaper bags with us, like he was a dog).  So do tell.  Where did it happen to you?  Were you prepared?  I still feel like a need to wash my hands ...again.

Now, back to our regular programming and one of our favorite topics - potty training. Here's one for you.  What's a mama to do about the poo when it doesn't quite make it to the toilet?  Have you used the naked approach to potty with success and have advice for keeping it off the furniture?  One mama writes:

My son is just beginning to show some interest in the potty and we have had a few coincidental pees/poops on the potty (playing around while mama sits on the potty, and actually happened to go, etc).  Of course I don't want to pressure him and I realize this "interest" could go on for several more months before any progress ever really takes place. But if he truly has an interest I want to leave that option open for him to explore if he wants.  Several people have given us the advice to just take the diaper off for a weekend or more and let him really become aware of when he is going.  Nothing like an immersion program (of sorts) to really learn the "language/culture".  So here's my question:  As all other mama's out there of a 19 month old I am no stranger to poop.  I don't mind it so much.  I can't say that I particularly want to clean it off my couch or bed on a regular basis though.  We do have hard wood floors so that helps, but what do other mama's and papa's have to say about what happens when you're hanging out sans diaper and you get a poo on the furniture?  Does it just happen once or twice and then they get it? 

Like approaching many of our babes' milestones, approaching potty training can be a daunting task.  Betsy is preparing for her biggest little gal, and seeks recommendations:

I’m wondering what other mamas are using for training pants.  We currently cloth diaper so I don’t want a training pant that feels like a cloth diaper.  I’d rather have a panty type pant (thinner material, not as bulky) that will fit a very tiny booty (she just barely weighs 20 pounds!).  I have found Nikki pants but am wondering if there is anything else out there.

(uM note: and, what, pray tell, are Nikki pants?  Has it been that long since we've potty trained?)

It's been a long time since we've had some good potty talk around here!  Lend an ear and your advice to Stef:

I have a 1.5 year old boy that I think has been giving me verbal cues he might be ready to start potty training.  Things such as... "poopy mommy" and yet, there is no poop!  Is this a sign he recognizes he needs to go?  If so, what success have other mom's gotten from videos, books, or ebooks (the infamous 3 day method)?  Which ones worked, are any better for boys?  I purchased a potty, he sits on it randomly, no production yet.  Are stools better for boys?  Is it ok to teach them to pee sitting first?  I've heard mixed reviews, and my husband doesn't want him peeing sitting down, but understands his lack of balance may render him there initially.  I have no day-care crunch timeline, so I'm not very proactive but would hope he's getting there before he's 2 just in case we need to utilize day care.  He does watch my husband often, knows that pee comes from his penis, etc. etc.  I'm ready for anything, he's been such a breeze so far, and I have great patience and will be consistent with whatever.  I've also heard that boys may take longer... Thanks!

Mamas, any suggestions?

I have a seven year old who is still wetting the bed every night. I’m interested in knowing if there are other parents out there who have found particular books or bedwetting alarms helpful with their child.  I am considering using a bedwetting alarm and am looking at two in particular, one called the Potty Pager and the other made by Malem, but have no idea how to choose one.  The book Dry All Night: The Picture Book Technique that Stops Bedwetting also intrigues me.  Any advice would be appreciated.

I am completed outnumbered 3 to 1 in my household.  While the boys are great about leaving the seat and lid down, as far as toilet etiquette is concerned, there's much room for improvement.  I oftentimes find myself on my hands and knees cleaning up the after effects of a last minute dash to the bathroom whereby my oldest son barely has time to wiggle out of his underwear.  He shoots.  Some of it goes in.  Most make it on the seat, while the rest dribbles down the toilet.  Living with boys is certainly messy.  Other than teaching them to pee sitting down (which in my humble opinion is sort of an odd request of what appears to be an utterly primal  behavior), how do you teach your boys to aim and pee so that it lands within a reasonable target?  At what age do they start developing better bathroom etiquette?  Or is this just something I have to live with?

We know Sarah is not the only one with this issue:

I have a little guy with skinny legs and we are venturing into training pants territory. I want to get cloth but have found the few I've gotten my hands on to be loosey-goosey even in the smallest size. Any recomendations?

Ahh, potty training!  For some it's easier than others especially mastering staying dry the entire night.  Kecia recently wrote to us about her plight.  Can we reassure her that it's normal?  Or, perhaps can you provide some strategies that can lead to a dry bed in the morning?

My son is 3 1/2.  He has been potty trained since he turned three.  At about 37 months (a few weeks after he mastered using the potty during the day), he told me that he didn't not need a diaper during the night.  I was reluctant, but decided to give it a try, as his diaper was often dry in the morning.  For nearly two months this worked perfectly.  Not one accident!!

During this time period, he would drink a 6 oz yogurt smoothie during his bedtime stories and I would give him water when he went to bed.  He would sleep for 9+ hours and wake up with a very full bladder (and pee in his potty).

In late August, we were traveling and he wet the bed (two nights in a row).  Both accidents happens soon after bedtime (around midnight).  When we returned home, things improved for a few weeks and then he had several nights of accidents again.  The situation has continued to deteriorate.  In the past month he has had an accident every few nights.

I am so tired of waking in the middle of the night to change his clothing, his bedding, etc.  I want to help him, but I don't know how.  The strange part is he seems to have these accidents without a full bladder.  Some nights his pajamas and pants are only very damp - not soaked. On nights when I limit liquid consumption and have him pee before going to sleep, he is more likely to wet the bed.  These accidents can happen as early as midnight, sometimes as soon as three hours after he last urinated.

I have tried to wake him during the middle of the night and have him pee, but this doesn't seem to help.  I usually find that he is already wet (and sound asleep).  When he wakes up in the morning he doesn't even need to use the potty!  What is going on?

He has only had one daytime accident over the past few months.

What do you think? Do I go back to diapers for night time?  Do I continue to do three loads of bedding every time this happens (comforter, mattress protector, sheets and pajamas)? I really appreciate your suggestions and advice.

Sadie Rose posted this question on one of our favorite previous posts, About Poop.  However, we definitely think it needs special billing.  Read on:

I have a new poop situation to investigate. My son is just shy of 3 years old. As far as potty training goes, he isn't that into it. He sometimes sits on the potty, but then wants to get up and put a diaper back on. Anyway, the main issue I am having, is that he only poops every few days. Further, when he finally does poop, I really have to talk him into it. I swear, he's not constipated. It's not like he's trying and can't, it's that he needs to, and won't. I can tell when he needs to, because he does this little "i need to poop dance," and, sometimes he will run into the bedroom to lay down! Laying down, I gather, makes him not need to poop as badly. It really has become an odd battle of wills. I make sure to feed him all the poop-enabling stuff, but what it really takes is a few minutes of me telling him it's time to poop and that we can't do anything else until he poops. Sometimes i have to tell him he can be alone in mommy's room until he poops, and then i leave him and he's pretty happy to do it by himself. HAS THIS HAPPENED TO ANYONE ELSE? I am baffled. I think he should poop everyday, don't you? Again, I am nearly positive that it is a psychological situation moreso than a food/constipation issue. I would love to hear anyone's info or ideas. If anyone wants to email me, it's sadiedeluxe@gmail.com. p.s. He used to do a similar thing when he was a bit younger, and then he started pooping a lot again, and now he's back to selective pooping. Thanks!

Can any of the urbanMamas lend any advice, suggestions, or empathy for what this mama is going through?

I'm wondering if anyone reading the urbanmamas blog has had any experiences with delayed potty training? My daughter is approaching 3.5 years old. We've been working on potty training for almost 2 years now, and I'm just exhausted. We've done all the usual: books, DVDs, peer pressure, reward charts, boot camp potty training weekends, etc etc. About a year ago, I switched her from Pull-Ups to either padded panties (at home) or plastic-backed training pants (at daycare), so she definitely knows when she's wet (and thank God for easy-to-mop wood laminate flooring). She just doesn't seem to care all that much. She's also expressed to me, when I ask her why she doesn't try to sit on the potty when she needs to pee, that, "Mom, I don't know when I gotta pee until I pee." I've heard that some children have a long delay in recognizing the internal "I've gotta pee" signals. Has anyone else had a child with a similar delay? If so, when did the signals start to be recognized? Oh,and I should mention that she's been pooping on the potty with 99% accuracy for the last year or so, so she's not afraid to use the potty, and it's entirely a pee-pee thing. I'm a bit frustrated at this point, as I'd really like to switch her from daycare into a preschool, but can't until the potty issues get resolved.

Heather writes:

I could use some advice. My 5 year old son has suddenly started wetting his pants, and I don't just mean a little trickle - it's the whole thing to the point where it gets on his shoes. He has done it a couple of times at home, once in a store, in the car, and just tonight at his school. I am beside myself! I can accept that he may feel stress from preschool just ending, the idea of a new baby coming (we are due in January), and starting a new school in the fall, but while he is getting adjusted to these changes, what can we do to curb or better manage the accidents? I hate getting angry or flustered with him, but I don't know how else to react.

When Olivia posted about the stanky bum bums, I didn't have a clue what she was talking about.  I was in the midst of our own potty nightmare - where every weekend for the past few months have been declared the "72 hour potty training boot camp".  When it seemed like it would never happened, with us staring at defeat, Carter finally came around to the idea of going "pee pee" and "poo poo" in the potty.  Aaaah, the smell of sweet success!  Well, the smell of sweet success can still stink, but at least he can go to preschool this summer.  So, when the potty-trained kiddies go off to preschool, is the expectation that the little ones learn how to wipe themselves?  Perhaps it's my own lack of experience, but I figured they'd get some help especially with #2.  Mamas and papas, any experiences to share?

So, now that they're potty-trained, how do you explain to them the best way to wipe? Cuz they be coming home with some stank bum-bums. I have two girls, and I try my hardest to show them at home how to wipe properly, fully, from all the way in the front to all the way in the back. Are there any ways that have worked for you to demonstrate or explain the best wiping method? Or do you just do major damage control in the evenings?

While I am anxious about the day when my son finally sheds the security of diapers, I am very apprehensive about subjecting him to public restrooms or port-o-potties.  Personally, I use the “hover technique” when I use public facilities especially those that appear to not have been cleaned fastidiously, and my foot to flush.  With all my practice, I'm pretty darn good at it. This technique does help limit the contact between self and unsanitary conditions (and to appease my mind a bit).  But, how can this be achieved when you’re just a wee little person, especially one that needs help, and one that cannot hover, or likes to grab onto the seat? Ew, just the thought of his little fingers touching the toilet sends shivers up my spine. Blech! 

Further, how do you handle outings solo with two kids in tow?  Most restrooms are barely big enough to fit one adult, but with the whole family along, someone's bound to accidently touch a surface that's not been cleaned so well.  It makes perfect sense to try to go potty before leaving the house, but I'm certain that we will need to use a public restroom at some point in the future.  I'm all about options and figuring out alternatives.  So here's a few ideas I've come up with (while not all would work or apply to every type of outing scenario and it seems like a dismally short list of options).

• Leave a potty seat in the back of the car.  Better to go in your own potty than in a dirty public bathroom.
• Find a nice bush outside for #1 situations.  I see this happening all the time at the playground.
• Lay down plenty of toilet paper and make sure to wash hands thoroughly after going.

Perhaps I'm being paranoid, but just to humor this mama, any suggestions?

Technocrati tags: potty-training

So, how did you / do you plan to potty train? Here's a scenario from Hayley:

Now on the next challenge...completing the potty training! With the impending arrival of baby number two this summer, I would love to have the Bug (baby number one) out of diapers. She gets the whole concept of the potty and using toilet paper and flushing the toilet (a source of great excitement and wonder) and washing her hands. She has gone a few times in the toilet, and she knows to tell Mommy and Daddy if she has to go (or at least parrots back to us that this is what she is *supposed* to do) but she has not been consistent. I am assuming it's because she is at an in-home day care for three days of the week (where they don't enforce using the potty unless the child has had a 'dry' weekend) and at home with my husband and me for the remainder of the week. I ask her if she needs to go when she wakes up in the morning and before/after naps. Also, I ask 20 minutes or so after meals. She'll sit on the toilet and we'll read books, sing songs, but no action. But, as soon as we put a diaper back on-- Bingo. I certainly don't want to push her but I don't want to be too passive. My only comfort thus far is that another trusted Mama reminds me every once in awhile there aren't too many fifth graders running around in diapers, so eventually the Bug *will* get it! Any thoughts on how to cross the great potty chasm?

From one of our dear readers, Lea:

I have been looking all over to find a pre-school and need some help. I wanted to find a pre-school that is bilingual, that takes 2-2 1/2 year olds and that does not require your child to be potty trained. I am not sure where to find this information. Any ideas? Thank you.