WEEKEND WARRIORS: November 27-29

The kids are out of school (and of course it's raining) and it feels like half of Portland is out shopping, what's one to do?  Even Weekend Warrior is coming up a little empty handed this weekend (although maybe we're too full of turkey to be inspired?).  If you're looking forward to a fun and exciting event this weekend, do tell!

Friday

Macy's Holiday Parade:  Over 25 floats (one featuring you-know-who) and 500 costumed characters, plus the requisite marching bands. Click link for map of route. 8:45 am-10:00 am.

Junior Gymnast Playpark: There's nothing like trampolines and swinging rings to burn off some energy. Kids 18 months to six years are welcome, $5.50 per child. Rose City Gymnastics Academy (116 N. Page), 11:00 am-noon.

Title Wave Used Book Sale: Support our great library system (and score some affordable holiday gifts at the same time). Title Wave Used Bookstore (216 NE Knott), 9:00 am-4:00 pm.

The Sharing Carrot:  Share the gift of giving with this lively puppet show from Penny Puppets that is sure to entertain all. $5 each or 4 for $17.  The Off Broadway (Central Lutheran Church fellowship hall, 1820 NE 21st), 10:00 am.

Saturday

Interactive Shadow Puppet Theater: This performance/workshop is designed to have the participants create their own shadow puppet play. Using simple materials, children are encouraged to let their creativity and imagination run rampant as they are in control of what happens in the story. $3-5 suggested donation, Curious Comedy Theater (5225 NE MLK Blvd). 10:30 am.

Downtown Fun: If you find yourself downtown, you can always check out the gingerbread display at the Benson Hotel (over 125 pounds worth of cookie, marzipan, and chocolate) and hear the Dickens Carolers perform at Pioneer Courthouse Square, 12:00-2:00 pm.

Little Kids' Jamboree:  Lorna Miller will entertain adults and kids alike with music, rhythm, and movement.  $5 per family. Mississippi Pizza (3552 N. Mississippi), 4:00 pm.

Tree Lightings: Hot chocolate? Check. Singing? Check. Check out the lighting of trees in either N. Portland (Mississippi Commons) or the Pearl (Jamison Square), both at 5:00 pm.

Sunday

"You-Who": This monthly "children's variety rock show" will feature Quasi and the Portland Ukulele Project, kids crafts, and an intriguing "kids styling salon" where the kids are the stylists and then go on parade. Be warned, the October event was sold out several days before the event. Walking-age kids under 12 are $5, adults with kids are $10, and adults sans kiddos are $15.  McMenamins Kennedy School (5736 N.E. 33rd Ave), Noon-4:00 pm.

Meeting Mr. Right, who is not Dad

Introducing a new parent figure into a child's life is a big step that many of us has been through.  An urbanMama recently emailed, seeking your experience and perspective:

I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter.  I have been separated from her father since she was 15 months old. Since that time he has had NO interaction or contact with his daughter. We have no legal statements of custody (legally, I believe this means that we have joint custody. All of his parental rights are intact.) He has had NO visitation, pays NO child support. He and I do not even speak; not because we are uncivil but because when we separated we separated completely. 

I have recently met the man whom I believe I am going to marry. We have talked about him adopting my daughter.  Does anyone know anything about the adoption requirements in the state of Oregon? I am assuming that my daughter's father will have to sign adoption papers if we wish for my current boyfriend to legally adopt my daughter.

More importantly, has anyone had experience with integrating a father figure into a young child's life? My daughter has never known a father, although she has recently begun to ask things like "Where's my dad?" and "Why don't I have a dad?" as she has started to interact with friends who have both a mother and a father.  I'd love to hear anyone's story, advice, opinion, etc about introducing a father figure into her life at this age.  I have no intention of expecting her to call this new person "Dad".  He and I both feel that if that day comes, wonderful but that is something we will let her come to on her own terms. But how do you EXPLAIN the role of father if and when she asks if this person is her dad?  I believe in being honest and fair with her. I'd like to be able to answer her questions as honestly and as safely, in terms of her development, as I can. I know I don't have all the answers. So, I'd love any support or advice anyone has to share. Book recommendations are always appreciated! :-)

Home alone: when's the right time?

Our natural next question, after pondering leaving our child(ren) in the car alone, is: would you leave your child(ren) home alone?  Another mama had the same thought, and she emails:

Hot on the heels of the post about leaving your kid in the car alone... I'm wondering at what age people have left their kids at home alone, and under what circumstances.  I just found out that my partner left our 4 year old at home watching TV while he (literally) ran about 8 blocks to go pick up a Zipcar.  I strongly disagree with his decision to leave her in the house by herself, even just for 5-10 minutes.  He says that he weighed the options, feeling that she was firmly planted in front of the TV and was unlikely to go anywhere (true, it was highly unlikely), and wouldn't have left if he didn't feel it was safe. 

What age is too young to be at home alone when the parent is farther away than, say, the neighbor's front porch? 

PPS Before-/After-School Care Survey

Remember earlier in the year when we had a discussion about before- and after-school care?  We recently received an email from PPS, and they are seeking the input of parents:

The district and childcare providers in Portland Public Schools are interested in learning about your child's experience in before and after school care. The district is also interested in knowing about other before and after school programs that your children attend regularly. This online survey is relevant for all parents/guardians with children ages 5-12, even if your school doesn't offer child care on site or if you choose not to use child care at your school.
 
The results are used as part of an annual program evaluation and to make district childcare decisions. Please take a few moments to complete this survey by Monday, December 18, 2009 using this link: http://www.zoomerang.com/Survey/?p=WEB229V5VK3A36.

WEEKEND WARRIORS: November 20-22

Less than a week to go until that great day of thanks. We are thankful there are some fun activities to get us out of the house this weekend, although we'd also be grateful for just a little less rain please! 

Friday

NE Moms Playgroup: You don't have to live in NE to join this group of moms that gets together to chat while the kids play.  Bring a snack to share if you can. Milagros Boutique (5433 NE 30th Avenue), 2:00-4:00 pm.

CHAP Art Factory:  If you haven't visited the Children's Healing Arts Project Art Factory, it's a great experience.  For $5 an hour, you can drop in (no registration necessary) between the hours of noon and 5:00 pm (7 days a week!) and make all the messy art your kids can create.  1030 NW Marshall, 12:00-5:00 pm.

Saturday

Tapestry of Tales Family Matinees: Enjoy a storytelling performance by some of the finest storytellers in the nation. Recommended for children age 5 and older. Almost all libraries in Multnomah County will have one scheduled at 11:00 am, 2:30 pm, or 3:30 pm.  Please check website for specific details. 

Family Day at the Oregon Historical Society: Visit the Museum for a railroad inspired family day.  View a historic model railroad, visit with railroad historians, and paint a railroad car during craft time.  Between 1:00 and 2:00 p.m, there will be a musical performance and lecture called “Magic Carpet Made of Steel.”   Two children are admitted free with one paid adult admission ($11). 11:00 am-3:00 pm.

Fix-It-Fair: Come find out ways to save money and get connected to resources.  How-to workshops, give-aways, free lunch, on-site childcare and more. Roosevelt High School (6941 N Central), 8:30 am-2:00 pm. 

Model Train Open House: Mt. Hood Model Engineers show off their crazy-detailed layout.  Great benches to stand on so kids get a good view. Also, kids can run the Thomas the Tank Engine layout. Free, 5500 SE Belmont, Noon-5:00 pm.

Sunday

Sundays at Portland Art Museum: Every Sunday in November, families can explore the Museum's China Design Now exhibit, with family tours at 12:30, art projects from 1:00 -3:00 pm, and storytime from 2:30-3:00 pm. Kids under 17 are free, adults are $12.  

Portland Peace Choir: This FREE choral presentation of diverse sounds from around the world will lift your spirits and inspire peace in your heart. 2800 SE Harrison 4:00 pm.

Childcare issues beyond the pale: Army mom arrested

I heard this morning on NPR about Specialist Alexis Hutchinson, an Army cook who joined the service in 2007. When she had Kamani 10 months ago, the little boy's father chose not to help raise him. Shortly after her baby was born, her unit in Savannah, Georgia got deployment orders to Afghanistan.

Soldiers with children are required to submit a dependent care plan before they can be deployed; Alexis had done so. Her mother, who lives in Oakland, California, agreed to take care of the boy; but she has in her home an ailing mother and sister, as well as a special-needs daughter and, during the day, up to 14 children in an in-home daycare. After two weeks of watching Kamani, Alexis' mom threw up her hands and sent the little boy back to his mother.

Alexis told her commanding officer her problem, and says she was given 30 days to develop a new plan; but then the deployment date was moved up and she panicked, without options. What looks like the miscommunication of a young, freaked-out mom occurred; she thought she'd lose her baby if she showed up for the airplane to Afghanistan with her child, so she hid.

Within a day, she'd turned herself in, and was arrested for failing to deploy. Her little boy was taken from her for the night, and the next day her mom arrived to take him back to California. Now Alexis is facing prison time; she may be court-martialed, although for now the deployment is on hold until the military sorts it out.

According to the Army, if Alexis had arrived at the airfield with her little boy on schedule, she wouldn't have been deployed. She says her commander told her that, if she didn't find care, her little boy would be placed in foster care. Even putting aside the he-said, she-said, it's a terrifying story (especially given my own possession of a husband scheduled for deployment, now, in the early spring) and shows just how great a toll the Army takes from young families and, most especially, their children.

Because by any indication the alternatives for Kamani all fall short. Where the boy is now, in his grandmother's home, is obviously too busy and demanding; can the primary caregiver devote even a tenth of the attention and energy an infant requires? As a young single mom far from home and with only a few years' experience in the Army, it's likely that Alexis has no friends with enough space in their lives and homes to care for such a small child. And if she were to find an acquaintance to take the boy? Would the burden mean the little boy would be resented, not necessarily neglected but most definitely not loved sufficiently? Would you take the 10-month-old of even a moderately good friend, for a year?

It's too much, I think. Too much for babies to have their only parent deployed for a year. Too much for babies to live without their mothers to fight unwinnable wars for so long. It's just too much.

REMINDER: Working Mama Lunch. Thursday 11/19

Don’t forget. We are meeting Thursday, 11/19 @ 12:30 @ DragonFish.
 
Reservation under Courtney/urbanMamas.
 
See you then.
 
Note: If you can’t make it downtown, see if there are other mamas in your area that want to have lunch.

Parents: Are we what bothers teachers most of all?

In yesterday's Oregonian, opinion columnist Susan Nielsen reported out what she heard from the community about today's stressful classrooms.  In a piece titled What tired Oregon teachers are saying (when parents aren't listening), Nielsen opens like this: "Oregon teachers would like parents to set down their cell phones for five minutes and pay attention to their kids." Sure caught my parental attention.  

While she asked any readers to email her on the topic in a previous column, mostly teachers did (makes sense, I think).  And while Nielsen and others allow that there are causes aplenty for classroom craziness (economy, class size, lack of back-up, the occasional bad teacher, pressure to get high school ratings, etc...), she emphasizes this one - and I quote:

Layered on top of everything else is a phenomenon that seems to bother teachers most of all. They say a growing number of parents undermine their children's academic success and personal growth, undercutting teachers in the process.

Of course my ready-to-take-it-personally neck hairs perked up at this - so I read attentively on:

This bad behavior crosses the socioeconomic spectrum, teachers say: Low-income parents who let their kids skip school. Middle-class parents who drop off their kids late every day. Wealthy parents who take lots of vacations during the school year and demand tailored lesson plans.

 

Then there are the parents who do their kids' homework, insist that the teacher accept late work, berate the teacher in front of their child, send nasty notes using the child as a messenger, skip parent-teacher conferences, spam the teacher with e-mails, fail to return repeated phone calls, or lavish their kids with video games and cell phones rather than books or attention.

 

The majority of parents are not like this, teachers say. But even a half-dozen challenging parents in a classroom of 35 children can change the whole dynamic of the school year.

"Early in my career, parents and teachers were partners," said John Harrington, a recently retired teacher from Newport. "... Now it seems many parents side with their children against teachers and administrators."

After a few hours have passed (always good to cool down...), I am ready to ask: What do these teachers want from me, the parent?  What does it take to be their partner?  And perhaps most important of all, if this is - as suggested in the piece - what bothers them most of all, is it more important to fixing what ails our public schools than insufficient state funding?  than class size?  than trained teaching assistants?  any teaching assistants, for that matter!?

Nielsen's article catalogs the many problems our schools face - including the age-old reality of a bunch of very different kids in one room all day.  Why is this anti-parent part so prominent, I wonder?  Did you read it, too?  What do you think - am I being over-sensitive (always possible), or are we parents really that bad? 

Art and motherhood: A difficult combination?

At Wordstock last month, I sat in on several readings and discussions by writer mamas, and recently I've been very closely following other mothers and writers on Twitter and Facebook. I'll admit to a fascination that's part curiosity and part ... jealousy? longing? ... as I watch them juggle motherhood and their art. From a distance, it seems they're doing it better than me.

I've finally gotten to the point where I believe I could finish my book proposal any day (really!) and I'm finally having a essay published in print this month. After years writing online, I'm coming into this artist-writer bit, slowly, with lots of squeaking and complaints from my family. It's been hard, especially on those nights where my oldest has decided to go off melatonin, a gentle sleep aid we'd been using to good effect, and I must restart the process of coaching him on calming himself. For three hours.

A friend Tweeted she was locked in her bedroom this weekend, finishing a few last chapters of her book as her husband wrangled her boys. Another acquaintance, a writer dad, seems as if he's frequently out of town on book readings and fabulous events, trading off childcare duty and glamorous writer things with his poet wife. I asked an author I admired at Wordstock how she managed to write with children -- and she's a single mother, having adopted a little girl internationally. "Very expensive childcare," she answered.

Then yesterday, I read in the Oregonian about this fabulous couple here in Portland. They're both visual artists and she's an accomplished writer. They're gorgeous and cute and funny and successful. They have a three-month-old baby. I'm so jealous! (On the same page: a story about the Decemberists' guitarist and his lovely girlfriend, Seann McKeel, who've started a series of concerts for children and parents to help entertain their three-year-old child. She's also an artist. Oh!)

In my house, juggling art and motherhood don't go that well. A two-year-old literally hangs from my arm when I'm in the middle of typing an especially inspired sentence. I go to a coffee shop to write for three hours, and when I come home, the slow cooked meal I'd begun has burnt and homework hasn't been done -- my husband was focused on the littlest and his nap, the laundry...

Are you, too, trying to combine some passion -- whether it's writing, art, a political or non-profit endeavor, or a really rewarding job -- and motherhood? How have you managed? Do you sometimes feel that everyone but you is doing great? Or do you have secrets, tricks of the trade, that make it all come together?

Weekend Warriors: November 13-15

Friday

Story & a Stroll: Join a park naturalist for nature story time and a brief stroll through the park.  This program is geared toward families with young children (preferably ages 3-6). This week the story is Where would I be in an Evergreen Tree? Call to reserve a space (503) 636-9886. Tryon Creek State Park, 1:00-2:00 pm.

Family Friday Concert: Enjoy the sounds of the Oregon Renaissance Band in a family-friendly setting. $15 per family, Community Music Center (3350 SE Francis), 7:15-8:30 pm.

Saturday

Interactive Shadow Puppet Theater: This performance/workshop is designed to have the participants create their own shadow puppet play. Using simple materials, children are encouraged to let their creativity and imagination run rampant as they are in control of what happens in the story. $3-5 suggested donation, Curious Comedy Theater (5225 NE MLK Blvd). 10:30 am.

Book Fair Benefit for Big Brothers Big Sisters: This benefit will feature reading with therapy animals, crafts, steel drum music (3:00), a scavenger hunt, and story times. Purchases from every department (including Starbucks and music) go to support this great organization. Lloyd Center Barnes and Noble (1317 Lloyd Center Blvd). Noon-5:00 pm.

Model Train Open House: Mt. Hood Model Engineers show off their crazy-detailed layout.  Great benches to stand on so kids get a good view. Also, kids can run the Thomas the Tank Engine layout. Free, 5500 SE Belmont, Noon-5:00 pm.

Safety Saturday at the Belmont Firehouse: Learn valuable safety lessons and fire department history by exploring the old Belmont Firehouse. Hands on activities include sliding down a fire pole! (Plus this is just blocks away from Sunnyside playground, Laughing Planet, and Saint Cupcake). Belmont Historic Firehouse (900 SE 35th), 10:00 am-3:00 pm.

Keep Portland Weird Festival: Performances (zydeco and choral music, School of Rock), lessons (knitting, homesteading, dance, and more), plus information from some of the vendors that make Portland unique.  Clothing and toy swap between 1:00 and 4:00, check website for details. Central Library (801 SW 10th Avenue), Noon-4:00 pm.

Little Kids' Jamboree: Lorna Miller will entertain adults and kids alike with music, rhythm, and movement.  $5 per family. Mississippi Pizza (3552 N. Mississippi), 4:00 pm.

Sunday

Kids in Nature: Join staff at Tryon Creek State Park in discovering the many different ways plants and animals prepare for winter. Explore the park looking for winter homes, learn about the animals living in those homes, and find out the best ways to help our animal friends get through the winter. Preregistration required by calling (503) 636-4398 or by emailing sandi@tryonfriends.org.  For kids ages 4-7, $10 per child, 10:00-11:30 am.

Sundays at Portland Art Museum: Every Sunday in November, families can explore the Museum's China Design Nowexhibit, with family tours at 12:30, art projects from 1:00 -3:00 pm, and storytime from 2:30-3:00 pm. Kids under 17 are free, adults are $12.  

HELP for Marysville School

Last Tuesday, Marysville School in SE Portland was heavily damaged by a three-alarm fire.  It is so amazing that all 460 students and 17 teachers of the K-8 school were quickly accounted for soon after the evacuation.  In the past couple of days, PPS has been hurrying to ready another school, Rose City Park Elementary, to accept the relocated Marysville students starting on Monday.

How can we help this community in need?  Schoolhouse Supplies is partnering with Portland Public Schools to provide help:

• Host a supply drive at your location.  Print a poster here.
• Donate supplies at Schoolhouse Supplies' location.  Marysville's wish list is rather basic and it includes: paper, crayons, markers, colored pencils, erasers, glue sticks, scissors.
• Volunteer at Rose City Park Elementary on Saturday from 8am to noon to help prepare the school for Monday.  Help is needed to clean, move furniture and get the school ready for kids!  Sign up here.
• Donate coats, jackets, sweaters, backpacks, lunch bags/boxes, art supplies, library books, boxes of tissues, construction paper and photocopy paper.  The drop off point is Marshall High School at 3905 SE 91st Ave, between 8 a.m. and 4 p.m Monday through Friday.  This donation drop off is being sponsored by The Oregon PTA and Portland Council PTA.

Happy Veterans Day: One mama's story of her service

Leading up to today's holiday, I have been telling my girls of the service that both of my grandfathers had provided for our country.  My grandfathers risked so much - their lives, their families, their wives, their children.  Some of their stories not only bring tears to my eyes, but they also make tears flow from my eyes.  Flipping through the latest status updates on Facebook, one of our mama friends said that she:

went to the Veterans Day Assembly at [my daughter's] school today...and cried like a baby. ha! So proud of my baby girl singing her heart out...and she was so proud to tell her teacher her mommy was a Veteran. So sweet.

 

I asked if she would share her story of her service with us, and she writes:

 

I joined the Air Force right out of High School. I wanted to go to college, but my family couldn’t afford it. The Air Force seemed like a good way for me to a.) get the heck out of my small Missouri town and b.) go to college. I was a Personnel Specialist in the Air Force—which in civilian terms is kind of like a Human Resource Specialist. After Basic Training , where I learned how to fold t-shirts and underwear into precise, perfect squares(even using tweezers to make sure all corners were “flushed”), I moved on to Keesler AFB in Biloxi, MS for my job training. I then received my assignment to Beale AFB in Northern CA, where I would spend four years. It was my first time being on my own and I was thrown into life. I loved it! I made friends for life there and that, in itself, I am truly grateful for. I was a member of the Base Honor Guard and got to perform at a lot of the Base Functions and I also participated in many many funerals. I was one of the service women who stood on the sidelines at Veteran funerals and paid tribute with the 21-gun salute and would help fold the flag and present it to the next of kin. I silently cried every single time. Those were amazing experiences for me.

My goal of going to college didn’t happen in those first four years…so I decided to re-enlist and make going to college a priority during my second enlistment. I received orders to Okinawa Japan and served my remaining four years there. The island of Okinawa is so beautiful and it was so awesome living among the people there. I worked in the Special Operations Squadron there and really enjoyed my job. The good thing about my job, is that it was pretty 9 – 5ish. There were a few times I had to be away for deployments—I spent some time in Guam as well as Hawaii—but for the most part, it was kind of like a normal job. The whole time I was in Okinawa, I worked during the day and went to school in the evenings. The University of Maryland had a campus there and would take over the on- base schools in the evening and offer classes to Military personnel. After my four years there I was able to complete my BS degree from the University of Maryland. I decided then to separate from the military and move on with my life.

I didn’t have children while I was in the Air Force, but so many of my friends did. I remember the sacrifices that they had to go through when having to be away from their families. In the military, you get 6 weeks of maternity leave…I think about that now and can’t even imagine only having 6 weeks with a newborn before having to go back to work full time, sometimes twelve hours a day. It truly is a sacrifice that these men and women make .

I still have so many friends who are still serving this great country of ours. To be honest, there are days where I miss the “family” feeling of being in the Air Force. If I would have stayed in, I could retire next year. Ha! It was truly an amazing experience for me and I look back at that time with so much pride and gratitude.

To the mamas, papas, grandpas, and grandmas among us who have served or who do serve our country, we thank you.  We welcome you to share the stories of your loved ones who have contributed in this way.

Alone in the car: not until they're 18?

I have very recently become a mama to three offspring.  Lordly-lord, it can be tough to mobilize these young folk.  Getting out the door means three jackets, three pairs of shoes (or foot coverings), three bags of their own stuff.  Then, getting into and out of the car is yet another challenge. 

Sometimes, my 9-year old asks if she can stay in the car while I fetch the younger siblings.  I say, "sure".  Why not?  She's sitting reading in the car parked right in front of the school.  If we were down the block from where I was going, I wouldn't do it.  Then, the other day, she asked if she could stay in the car while I did some grocery shopping.  While I was reaaallllllly tempted, I decided against it.  And, for some reason, only then did it occur to me that I didn't know what the law was here in Oregon (every state has its own motor vehicle laws) about leaving your kids in the car alone.

It looks like Oregon law is sort of open-ended, as ORS 163.545 states:

 A person having custody or control of a child under 10 years of age commits the crime of child neglect in the second degree if, with criminal negligence, the person leaves the child unattended in or at any place for such period of time as may be likely to endanger the health or welfare of such child.

... which means to say that leaving a child under 10 alone in a car could or could not be considered neglect?  So it depends on the circumstances?

Well, if that's the case, what are your thoughts on leaving a child alone in the car?  Have you done it?  Under what circumstances?  Will you never do it?  Will you do it under certain circumstances only?

Do you hide your hooters?

Ah, the joys of nursing.  There are so many!  Between my first two children, I nursed over five years.  We would nurse everywhere -- on subways, on street corners, in parks, in restaurants, in churches during wedding ceremonies at which I was in the bridal party, on - one of the more nostalgic spots -- the floor of the World Trade Center (pre-September 11, 2001) waiting for the TKTS line to open.  Never in that half-decade did I have more than a shawl or napkin or burpie cloth to cover the excess flesh exposed when I had to whip out a nam-nam to nurse.  Nowadays, there are nursing covers galore.  There are hats, shawls, and specially-engineered cloths with a wire to allow for an opening so you can maintain eye contact with the nursing babe.

Or, there is nothing.

I am the sort of mama who doesn't so much care about the exposure.  My breasts are made for nursing, and that's just what they'll do.  Cover or not.  But just recently, as a welcome baby gift for our newest addition, a friend sent a hand-made hooter-hider, the sort with the wire that will allow for the eye-to-eye contact with nursing babe.  I love it.  It makes it so easy to find just a little bit of privacy.  It's funny because I never so much cared before.

Which makes me wonder: do you/did you use a nursing wrap or shawl?  Do you/did you carefully cover up when nursing?  or, do you/did you just do what you had to do and nurse whenever, wherever, without concern for covering up?

Memories of a Belly Cast

I was telling some friends the other night how with our first child, my husband and I did the belly cast thing and I ended up crying because I sneezed before it was dry and it ended up all stretched out and misshapen.  At the time it seemed like such a big deal, perfectly documenting the belly that nurtured our first born (not to mention those huge breasts that have never been seen since).  I felt a little bit of guilt that I never did one for our second child, but with our third child it never even crossed my mind. 

The belly cast hung on the wall in our nursery for several years and even survived a move to our second home.  But sadly, it didn't make it through last summer's purging of the garage.  The belly cast that had driven me to tears ended up in the trash along with socks with no mates and the directions for the ice cream maker we no longer had.  I get a little nostalgic thinking about it, but the pregnancy years feel so (thankfully) far behind us now and I have this sneaking suspicion that my nearly 7-year-old son won't care any more in 30 years than he does now about what my belly looked like when I carried him.  So mamas, did you do a belly cast for your children? What did you do with them and do you still have them?

Recommendations for Pediatric Ophthalmologist?

While we have had previous threads with suggestions on where to get glasses for the little folk (here and here), we have yet to talk about ophthalmologists you would recommend.  An urbanMama recently emailed:

I have noticed my 7 year old squinting quite a lot recently and since my husband and I both wear glasses, we're thinking it's time for a real vision exam.  I received the advice that we should see an ophthalmologist rather than an optometrist, but I'm always afraid to just pick someone randomly from our provider list.  Anyone have a pediatric ophthalmologist they recommend?

Back to school W(h)ine night!

*** This event has been rescheduled***

Call in the spouses and the babysitters, mama needs a night out!  We're getting in the groove of waking up on time, packing lunches, and doing homework.  Now let's all come together and W(h)ine about it a bit, shall we?  Please RSVP in the comments so we can tell our lovely hosts how many mamas to expect!  See you there!!!  (photo by Sarah Gilbert)

Date:  Wednesday, November 4th
Time:  7:30 PM
Location:  Alu Wine Bar, 2831 NE MLK Jr Blvd

Join us, 11.08.2009: Coffee Playdate meets Chinook Book Coupon Swap

The expiration date of the 2009 Chinook Book coupons is fast approaching (November 30, 2009), so we thought it'd be a good idea to swap it up.  Have some Chinook Book coupons you won't use?  Come share them with other mamas and papas who will.  Have some Chinook Book coupons you're looking for?  Come see if other mamas and papas have them to spare.

Even if you don't have coupons to swap, still come on by and coffee playdate with us to chat, meet, and play.  Let's meet up at Posie's Cafe, a new neighborhood coffee shop in North Portland with a swell little enclosed play area for the little ones.  Say next Sunday, November 8, 2009, at 11am?  Who's in?

Pray tell: how do you calm the fussiest of them?

As the mama of a newborn, I have been visiting with many other mamas of newborns - some of them first time mamas, others second- or third-time mamas.  Regardless of how many may have come before, a fussy babe is never easy.  Even the most experienced of us can feel helpless and frustrated by our inability to calm our offspring.

One of my mama friends said she tried everything to calm her babe.  Her bag of tricks included:

gripe water? CHECK
football hold? CHECK
deep lunges/squats while in the moby or ergo? CHECK
white noise machine or fan? CHECK
exercise ball? CHECK
car ride? CHECK
swaddle? CHECK
5ss? CHECK
pacifier? CHECK
cosleeping? CHECK
lame attempt at cry it out? CHECK

Well, what has worked for you and your fussy baby?  Tips and tricks to soothe?  Tips and tricks to keep mama sane?

 

Cord-Banking: Have you done it?

Mamas, I honestly have no idea on this one.  Might you have some thoughts or experience to share with this urbanMama?

I've got 3 boys and another on the way and my mom really wants me to bank the cord blood this time. I've been reading about it, found a cost comparison chart along with basic services, but I was wondering how many families have actually done it and what did they base their decision on when choosing a company? Also, at what age, if applicable, did you decide to stop paying the annual fee?  I read somewhere you had to be registered by the third trimester (which is coming up soon!) and now I'm panicking that I need to make a decision this week.

Activistas on: health care, workplace policy, safe cosmetics, yada yada

After a week or two of muttering "OMG we have no time to write anything for Activistas," we found some time (at, uh, 1 AM!).  These days (er, nights) we're talking about:

• 11.4.09 is Women's Day of Action for Health Care Reform.  You've probably seen the slogan "Being a woman is not a pre-existing condition."  Of course, it IS.  Right?  Been denied health care because you had gestational diabetes?  Pay higher premiums because you had a C-section?  If not you, then likely some mama friend or other has.

• Will a Senate bill contain a public option? After lots of work making one bill out of two (from the HELP and Finance committees, respectively), Senate majority leader Harry Reid said this week that a Senate version of health care reform will include a public option.  Good news!   Not to be ungrateful, but... 

• Ms. Magazine has 5 ideas to make our lives way better.  Ms. calls it paycheck feminism.  I don't care what they call it.  I'm just glad that so many people are talking about it.   Here's a favorite blurb from the Ms. article, which argues that with women nearing 50% of the workplace, it's time to rethink the government policies that were designed for a (wildly) different time...

•  What health care reform means to women, from a (woman) Senator.  Hear Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) talk about why women need heath care reform - more than men, and how it should look. As so many people are saying, being a woman shouldn't be a pre-existing condition. But too often, it is.

• Join The Campaign for Safe Cosmetics.  Here's a fun fact:  How many chemicals do you think have been banned from cosmetics in the European Union?  1,100!  How many in the good 'ol United States?  9.  That's right.  Nine!

• Mothers ought to have equal rights, right?  I had lunch with Valerie Young earlier this week.  She pays close attention to the policy and politics of the issues that affect us mothers in the nation's capital.  She's like the eyes and ears of mothers everywhere - in DC.  Right where we need her!

• Let's choose, but let's do it together.   When I had my first child, I quickly realized that my "choice" to work or not work was seriously constrained by economic and cultural forces that were well beyond my control.  Last week, a new census report confirmed what I and so many others learned the hard way...

Got an issue that you're all riled up about?  There are plenty to go around.  If you're dying to share it, send your guest post to us at activistas [dot] gmail [dot] com.  We'll happily post it (unless it's wildly off topic or profane, that is).    

PS - Family Forward Oregon has a Facebook page as of about 2 days ago.  Join them to discuss and share all there is to say about creating (right) a Family Forward Oregon. 

Weekend Warriors: October 30-November 1

Safe and happy haunting!

Friday

The Lonely Little Pumpkin:  A lively puppet show treat from Penny Puppets that is sure to entertain all. $5 each or 4 for $17.  The Off Broadway (Central Lutheran Church fellowship hall, 1820 NE 21st), 10:00 am.

Ghoulish Gathering: Gooey crafts, monstrous activities and a showing of the 1990 movie Hocus Pocus (rated PG). $3 per family, Matt Dishman Community Center (77 NE Knott), 6:30-8:30 pm.

Saturday

Saturday Market Trick-or-Treat and Parade: Decorate a candy bag and trick-or-treat through the market before joining other costumed youth in a parade. 12:00-2:00 pm.

Family Halloween Party: Halloween-themed music, crafts, prizes, costume parade, and more. $5/person, $10 /family. Airplay cafe (701 E. Burnside), 11:00 am-1:00 pm.

Multicultural Healthy Kids Fair: Protect your kids from scary toxins at this community event that will provide healthy snacks, free blood and toy lead testing, and other information on healthy homes and child wellness. Sponsored by the Josiah Hill Clinic. 65 NE Stanton. 11:00 am-3:00 pm.

Campbell Salgado Spooky Snapshots: This fund-raiser for the Oregon Food Bank is a chance to capture your child in full costumed regalia. $15 for electronic photo, $20 for a 5x7 print.  Campbell Salgado Studios (8107 SE 16th Avenue). Costume sessions (call to reserve time):10:00 am-12:30 pm and Spooky Snapshots (drop in): 1:00-3:00 pm.

Not So Spooky Stories: Pumpkins, black cats and not so scary stories. Wear a costume if you like and join the parade. Woodstock Library (6008 SE 49th Avenue), 4:30-5:00 pm.

Trick-or-Treat at Kennedy School: Wander the halls of this old (haunted?) school with ale in hand while the kiddos fill their bags with sugary loot. 4:30-6:30 pm.

Tour of Untimely Departures: Older kids might love this family-friendly tour of the Lone Fir Cemetery. Ghostly guides will share some of the cemetery's history as they show you around and share interesting tidbits about the demise of some of the cemetery's inhabitants.  $5 suggested donation. Leaving from 26th and SE Stark, the tour is 45 minutes and will leave between 6:00 and 9:00 pm.

Sunday

Sundays for Families at Portland Art Museum: Every Sunday in November, families can explore the Museum's China Design Now exhibit, with family tours at 12:30, art projects from 1:00-3:00 pm, and storytime from 2:30-3:00 pm. Kids under 17 are free, adults are $12.  

$2 Sundays at OMSI: $2 admission for all, and appropriately for this weekend, the featured exhibit is Scream! Featuring Goosebumps! The Science of Fear. Hours are 9:30 am-5:30 pm. 

Infant CPR - Are you trained?

The last time I went to an infant CPR class was probably when I taught them eons ago in college, when one of the four jobs I juggled was as a CPR instructor.  And, thank goodness I had that background.  When my daughter was not even a year old, she put some celophane/plastic wrapper in her mouth, which had perfectly covered up the airway in her mouth, lodging itself completely stuck.  She began to gasp, gag, choke, and even turn blue in the face, and she couldn't get that wrapper moved.  I saw her struggling and did what I remembered of the Heimlich manuever for babies, holding her body, face down against my forearm (like the football hold), and whacking her powerfully on her back between the shoulder blades.  When that didn't work, my husband peered in her mouth and did a finger sweep and grabbed the culprit out.  SO SCARY.

Well, all of this to say: the Oregon Chapter of the American Red Cross wanted to highlight the new class they are offering. 

Just wanted to send a quick note about the Infant CPR for New Parents class that's happening over at Milagros on Oct. 29. I know you already have it on your calendar (THANK YOU!), but I just wanted to mention that this is the very first time we've ever done a "mini-class" on this topic.
 
We're hoping that enough moms find the info helpful -- even though they won't get official CPR certification -- so that we can continue to offer these shorter, less expensive, non-certification classes in the future. So, if there's any feedback about the class (or ideas for other mom-friendly Red Cross classes in the future), we're very open to hearing it!

Your thoughts on an Infant CPR class for New Parents?  Would you go?  Any other thoughts or feedback?  Any other mama- or baby-centric Red Cross offering you'd like to suggest?

Where to find a "just like me" doll?

When I was growing up, I was acutely aware of the fact that there were very few dolls, celebrities, community leaders, or the like who looked like me.  I had - and still have - medium-brown skin, black hair that is brown in the sunlight, and brown eyes.  As my girls started wanting dolls, I was very particular.  I wanted them to have dolls with a skin-tone similar to theirs.  Now, we have a nice collection of very tan dolls, but I honestly cannot remember from where they came!

We just received an email from another mama who is looking for a plaything that would look more like her daughter.  Any tips?

I have a brown hair, brown eyed caucasaian daughter and I am having a hard time finding a doll that fits her description.  Most of the dolls are blond with blue eyes, though most people are not.  Where can I find a doll that begins to resemble my daughter?